Self-Image: Can Childhood Trauma Set Someone Up To Believe That They Don’t Deserve To Exist?

Due to what someone went through as a child and even before they were born, they can believe that they don’t deserve to be on this earth. However, while this core belief, along with others, will be defining their life, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of it.

Like a fish in water, how they experience life can just be what is normal and thus, something that they have become accustomed to. There will then be no reason for them to try to do anything about their life.

Trapped

This is not to say that they will be happy with how their life is and won’t experience a fair amount of resistance. If they were able to get out of the fish tank that there are living in, so to speak, it would give them the chance to see what is going on.

Until that happens, they will simply have to tolerate what is taking place and to do their best to handle life. This is not going to be easy as they are likely to lead a life that is anything but fulfilling.

A Bleak Existence

They are generally going to have experiences that tell them, in one way or another, that they don’t deserve to be here. And, even when this is not the case, their mind can end up interpreting an experience in the same way.

If they have a job, they could work somewhere where they are not treated very well. The experience that they have at work could be very similar to how it was whilst they were in the education system.

Another Area

Or, there is the chance that this part of their life is going well but they just won’t allow themselves to move forward. When it comes to their relationships, they might rarely assert themselves.

They could feel very fortunate that they have friends and even a partner, and not want to risk losing anyone. One will then be used to going along to get alone and their true-self will seldom see the light of day.

A Metaphor

In a way, it will be as if one is at a party that they haven’t been invited to. As a result of this, they won’t expect much, impose themselves or want to stand out; they will be there without actually being there.

The main difference is that one will live like this all the time, not just for a few hours or a night. Ultimately, one is not at a party that they haven’t been invited to, they are on planet earth and they deserve to be here.

Their Emotional Experience
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When it comes to how they usually feel, they will probably be used to experiencing a lot of ‘negative’ feelings. They may find that they often experience shame and feely deeply helpless and hopeless.

Feeling down and depressed could be the norm and they may even feel suicidal from time to time. Clearly, the sooner that they are able to take a step back from their experience and to see what is going on, the sooner their life will change and the better off they will be.

What Is Going On?

Deep down, at the core of their being, they should know that they deserve to be here and that they have inherent value. If this was so, their life would be radically different and they would be able to live a fulfilling life.

The love, care and nurturance that they needed as a child in order to develop into a well-adjusted adult in all probability wouldn’t have been provided. Instead, they would have generally been treated as though they were a burden and an unwelcome guest.

A Closer Look

Through their formative years, they may have been abused and/or neglected. If both of these things took place, they would have received the message both directly and indirectly that they were not wanted, loved or valuable.

There is also the chance that they felt rejected long before they were born, with their time in the womb being anything but welcoming. During this stage of their development, their being would have picked up on what was going on for their mother and how their mother felt towards them.

The Foundations Were Laid

What this illustrates is that it is not just what takes place after someone is born that has an impact on them; it is also what takes place before they are born. Without this understanding, the effect that this period of someone’s development has on them can end up being attributed to their genetics.

So, if their time in the womb wasn’t very pleasant, they wouldn’t have needed to be treated very badly after they were born to feel rejected and unworthy of life. And if they were treated badly, this would have added more weight to how they already felt and to the associations that were already formed.

The Past Repeats Itself

If their time in the womb wasn’t very welcoming, it could mean that their mother’s unresolved trauma played a big part in what took place. This will then mean that she wasn’t even aware of what was going on – it wasn’t something that she consciously chose to do.

Perhaps, due to her own unresolved childhood trauma, she shut down and therefore, her body wasn’t able to provide one with the nutrients or the acceptance that they needed whilst they were in the womb. Her early years may have been a time when her developmental needs were rarely, if ever, met, which would have prevented her from being able to truly be there and to take care of her unborn child’s needs.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Most likely, they will carry a lot of unmet childhood needs that will need to be grieved – cried out. Through undertaking this process, they will gradually be able to accept that they deserve to be there and that they are valuable. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk