When one has a challenge in their life, they can think that they don’t need to put in a lot of effort or they may think they need to put in a lot of effort. It can all depend on what part they believe that are playing in what is taking place.
However, just because one is playing a part in what is taking place; it doesn’t mean they are willing to take responsibility. In this case, they can see themselves as observers and the people around them as being the cause.
Alternatively, one could respond to life in the opposite way, and this means they can be the ones who take responsibility for everything that happens. Through having this outlook, they will see the people around them as being nothing more than the observers of what is happening.
Out of Balance
Ideally, one will look into what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for. If they don’t take this approach, they will be out of balance, and while being responsible is often seen as being better than being irresponsible, if one takes on what isn’t there’s, they are going to suffer unnecessarily.
They may end up being seen in a positive light, but they are going to use a lot of energy and their well-being is going to be effected. Whereas, if one was to always blame others, they are not going to use as much energy, but they will suffer as time passes.
Their behaviour is not going to endear them to others and this is going to cause one to be seen in a negative light. And while the people around them may wonder why they can’t see what part they are playing, they might be oblivious to how they have anything to with what is taking place.
It could then be said that one person is focused on what is taking place externally and the other has very little, if any, awareness of what is taking place. And even if they do have moments when they are aware, they are likely to block out any feedback that arises.
Out of Touch
The person who is overly responsible is likely to be in a position where they are more aware of others people’s needs than they do of their own, and this mean they are out of touch with their own needs. If one avoids responsibility, they are likely to be so concerned with their own needs that they are unable to respond to the needs of others.
Focusing on others is then a way for one person for stop themselves from being rejected, and while the other person still fears being rejected, they avoid feeling rejected through detaching from the external world. Each person behaves in a different way, but each approach is a way for one to protect themselves from pain.
When one always takes responsibility for everything, they are likely to see themselves as being flawed. They are the reason things go wrong and as a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to see themselves as the ‘problem’.
However, when one always blames others, they are likely to believe that there is nothing wrong with them and that it is other people who are flawed. They are then not the reason things go wrong, and therefore, it is going to be normal for them to see other people as the ‘problem’.
It is clear to see that each person lacks boundaries; they don’t realise where they begin and where they end. Being overly responsible is a sign that one is enmeshed to others and doesn’t have a strong sense of self.
And when one always blame others, it shows that it is not possible for them to own their own reality, and this also shows that their sense of self is not based on firm foundations. The idea they have of themselves is likely to be something they have created to avoid how they really feel.
While one could just continue to take the blame because of how they feel about themselves, there is also the chance there will come a time where they will look for answers. This is a partly because they believe there is something wrong with them, and this can then give them the impetus to reach out.
If, on the other hand, one has covered up how they truly feel about themselves and is always pointing the finger at others, there is not much chance of them looking for answers. This is primarily because they believe there is nothing wrong with them, and there is then no need for them to change.
What this shows is that when one feels inferior and see themselves as the problem, they can be in a better position than someone who feel superior and sees others as the problem. And as they start to let go and realise their inherent value, they will no longer need to be overly responsible.
This doesn’t mean that someone who always blames others won’t read books on self-development or end up in therapy, for instance. But if this does take place, they are likely to be looking for ways to decorate their false-self and/or it will be way for them to find other people who agree with their outlook.
Through being around people who validate their outlook, they won’t need to see what part they are playing and they can then carry on with their life. Yet, if their therapist was to encourage them to look at what part they are playing, they may soon stop seeing them.
If one wants to let go and to realise what they are responsible for and what they are not, they may need to work with a therapist. During this time, one is likely to be letting go of toxic shame, among other things.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.