Although some people feel safe in their body and as though they deserve to exist, there are others that don’t experience life in this way. However, regardless of whether someone fits into the first category or the second, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of it.
Yet, even if someone is not consciously aware of this, it is still going to have a big influence on their life. How they experience life can just be seen as normal, and if this is a good thing or a bad thing will all depend on what their life is like.
The First Experience
If someone does feel safe in their body and as though they deserve to exist, they are likely to have a good connection with their needs. Not only this, they will feel comfortable enough to reveal their needs.
Consequently, they will be able to do what they need to do to fulfil their needs, which will allow them to grow. They will believe that they deserve to have their needs met and they will have the strength that they need to make this a reality.
A Healthy Balance
Both of these components will be important, as if they didn’t have the second part in place, they would have an entitlement mentality. And without the first component in place, it would be challenge for them to enjoy what they work for.
Being able to work for something and then to truly be able to embrace it, once it has been attained, is the key. Fortunately, this person will have these two components in place, allowing them to bask in whatever they achieve.
When it comes to the people in their life, there is going to be no need for one to hide who they are around these people. Instead of just part of them showing around them; their whole being will be able to show up.
In other words, they will be able to express their true-self around these people. These are then likely to be relationships that are fulfilling and there will be no reason for them to feel restricted when they are in their company.
Through believing that they deserve to have their needs a met and having the ability to take action, they might not have any trouble asserting themselves when they are at work. So whenever they get to the point when they know it is time for them to go to the next level, they will be happy to take the right steps.
Deep down, they will know that they have as much right as anyone else to be on this planet and that it is down to them to make the most of it. What this outlook will do is stop them from expecting everything just to land on their lap.
The Second Experience
If someone doesn’t feel safe in their body and as though they deserve to exist, they are unlikely to have a good connection with their needs. And even if they do become aware of a need, it doesn’t mean that they will try to fulfil it.
In general, they could spend most of their life focusing on other people’s needs. One will then look like separate being, yet they will typically act as though they are an extension of other people.
Settling For Scraps
Deep down, they could see themselves as a burden and this is then why they need to settle for whatever they can get in life. Asking directly for what they want and asserting themselves is not going to be an option.
Other people are going to be able to have their needs met, but they will have to overlook most of their needs. Hiding their needs can be something that just happens, meaning that this is not something that they consciously choose to do.
Ultimately, one will have as much right as anyone else to be here, yet it will be as though this isn’t the case. They could even work really hard, and have an over developed masculine element, only to receive very little in return.
Still, what they could find is that when something good does happen, it is not possible for them to truly embrace it. They could play down what has happened and end up working towards the next thing.
A Bleak Existence
If they are in a relationship, they could be used to being walked over and doing things that they don’t really want to do. The fact that they don’t need to experience life in this way might not even cross their mind.
They could just feel grateful that they are not alone and that someone actually wants to be with them. Like a parasite, they might believe that they need to stay with this person to be able to survive.
What’s going on?
On one side, there is how other people treat them and, on the other, there is how they treat themselves. Undoubtedly, the main issue here is that one doesn’t treat themselves with love and respect.
The view that they have of themselves is playing a big part in why they are living a life that is anything but fulfilling. What this could illustrate is that their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
Back In Time
At this stage of their life, their developmental needs may have rarely, if ever, been met. This would have set them up to believe that there was something inherently wrong with both their needs and themselves.
Disconnecting from their needs, along with their body, would have been a way for them to handle the pain of being neglected. If they were physically abused, this would have provided even more weight to the view that they didn’t deserve to be here/to be born.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Due to what took place, they are likely to carry a fair amount of trauma in their body. Resolving this trauma, in addition to working through their emotional pain and clearing up their ‘cognitive distortions’, is going to be vital.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.