When it comes to how one sees themselves, they can be their own best friend or their own worst enemy. What this shows is how important their self-image is, and if they want to lead a fulfilling existence, it will be necessary for them to see themselves in a positive light.
Now, this is not to say that one should always see themselves in this way, as there are likely to be times when this won’t be appropriate. For example, if one has acted destructively towards another, it will be normal for them to see themselves differently.
Still, this will show that they have done something wrong and not that they are wrong. As a result of this, this is unlikely to be an inner experience that lasts for very long, and it will then be possible for them to return to how they were before.
However, when one has a negative view of themselves, they will be used to feeling bad. It then won’t matter what they do, as they are only going to be able to experience life in one way.
But even if they haven’t done anything wrong, they could still come to the conclusion that they have. Through being this way, it is likely to mean that they will spend a lot of their time judging themselves.
There is then going to be no reason for them to be with others in order to be harmed, and this is going to make their life harder than it needs to be. And as they harm themselves, there is a strong chance that they will be drawn to people who are abusive.
If other people were to see what is taking place, they could see them as a victim, and this is because they don’t realise that what is taking place externally is a reflection of what is taking place within them. Thus, if one was to spend time with people who treated them differently, it is unlikely to feel right.
The way they view themselves is then going to make it harder for them to spend time with people who are healthy. Not only this, it is also likely to be a challenge for them to move forward in their career.
They could believe that they don’t deserve to be successful, or that they haven’t got what it takes. Ultimately, their life will be on hold, and they are going to be unable to make the most of the life that they have been given.
And along with how one sees themselves, there can also be what they believe their purpose is. For example, one could believe that they are here to make a difference, and this could mean that they want to stop the injustice that is taking place in the world.
This could be something that has influenced their career choice and/or it could be something that affects their day-to-day life. If it has had an impact on both of these areas, they could find it hard to relax.
On one side, there will be what they are drawn to at a global level, and on the other side, there will be what is taking place in their own life. Either way, there is generally going to be someone who will capture their attention.
But if it doesn’t relate to an individual, it can be some kind of organisation instead. One could believe that they are ‘good’ and the person (or organisation) that they are focused on is ‘bad’.
This could mean that they will be used to feeling like a victim and seeing other people as the perpetrators. Yet although they will feel powerless and hopeless, these feelings will soon be covered up by anger.
Through feeling this way, it will give them the energy that they need to ‘change the world’, or to put an end up what is taking place in their own life. Having said that, it is not always going to be this simple, and one will need to be patient or to find another problem to focus on.
It is then going to mean that they are likely to experience a lot of stress, and this is not going to be good for their wellbeing. Nevertheless, behaving in this way is going to give them a sense of control, and this is partly why they won’t be able to stop.
If fact, if they were to take a step back and to experience life differently, they could feel a deep sense of emptiness. What this will then show is that they only know who they are when they have an enemy.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one is not being drive by the need to change the world; they are being driven by their need to avoid themselves. And when they have an enemy, it will be something that gives their life meaning.
It is then not that one just happens to come across people who are out to cause harm or people who are being harmed; it is that one is actively looking for these kinds of situations. This is not to say that this takes place consciously, as it is likely to take place at a deeper level.
A Short-Term Solution
Not only will this allow them to know who they are and to experience a sense of control, it will also give them the opportunity to experience an emotional release. Through having a cause or someone to fight, they can express the anger and rage that is within them.
Yet even though this is something that will take place, it doesn’t mean that it will have a lasting effect on them. As no matter what they do, there is a strong chance that their emotional state will return to how it was before.
A Deeper Look
What this can show is that there was a time in their life when they were harmed, and although time has passed, what took place is still defining their life. This could be a sign that one was abused and/or neglected during their childhood years.
Their needs would then have rarely, if ever, have been met, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self. This is why they need to have some kind of adversary in order to know who they are, as without this the only thing that would be left is how they felt when they were being harmed.
It is then not a case of one letting go of their need to have an enemy and then settling down; it is that they can have an enemy and feel strong, or they can experience life differently and feel powerless. But even though the people they come into contact with can be seen as the cause of how they feel, they are simply a trigger of what is taking place within them.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is trying to get revenge for something that took place years ago. This is also something that is described as ‘repetition compulsion’, and this is where one recreates the past in order to change the outcome.
The wounded part within them causes one to do this so that they can receive what they were unable to receive during the beginning of their life. However, as the past is over and it is not going be possible for this to occur, it just sets one up to suffer unnecessarily.
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it will be important for them to face the pain that is with them and for them to develop a sense of self. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.