Self-Rejection: Can Someone Reject Themselves If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

If someone has turned their back on themselves, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. However, if another person were to observe how they behave for a little while, they might soon realise what is going on.

At this point, it can seem strange as to how another person would be able to see what is going on but they wouldn’t be able to; after all, it is their life. What this illustrates is how their brain will have blocked out what is going on in order to protect them.

The other Side

So, as the person on the outside doesn’t have the need to block out what is going on, it is possible for them to see clearly. This sheds light on why it has been said that human beings see with their brains, not their eyes.

If what is going on for them wasn’t blocked out, there is a strong chance that their conscious mind would be flooded with inner material. The outcome of this is that it would be a lot harder for them to keep it together and function.

Hidden

If they are not consciously aware of how they have turned their back on themselves, they are unlikely to have a very fulfilling life. For example, they can have a job that is anything but fulfilling, relationships that are not very life-affirming, and they might have a strong inner critic.

When it comes to what they do for a living, they could work somewhere where they are not valued or appreciated. They might want to leave when they are there and dread going back when they are not.

The Other Parts

As for their relationships, they might have a number of people in their life who are not very loving and supportive. In general, they might be put down and treated like they are nothing.

If they have a strong inner critic, it is likely to be normal for them to feel down and bad about themselves. Consequently, it could often be difficult for them to get out of bed each down and they could have very little if any motivation.

Self-Reflection

After a while, they could end up taking a step back and wondering why their life is this way. If they were to do this, they could believe that this is just what life is like and that there is very little that they can do.

Thus, it won’t occur to them that what is going on for them internally is playing a big part in why their life is this way. Ultimately, they won’t value or love themselves, so how they experience life will feel comfortable to a big part of them.

Going Deeper

If they were to take a closer look at what is going on and become aware of how they feel about themselves, how they experience life will start to make sense. They will see that, due to how they feel, they have turned their back on themselves.

The situations and circumstances that they find themselves in will then be a reflection of how they feel about themselves. After seeing this, they could wonder why they feel this way.

A Closer Look

What this is likely to show is that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father were unable to provide them with the love that they needed.

Being neglected, put down and even physically harmed would then have been the norm. This would have deprived and deeply wounded them, which would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way.

The Impact

To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs. Additionally, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them.

In reality, their mother and perhaps their father were unable to give them what they needed because of their own issues. Yet, as they were unable to see this, they would have been rejected and this would have caused them to reject themselves.

A Battle

But, although they were unable to accept and love them, they themselves would have struggled to be accepted and loved by them. Most likely, this would have involved them losing touch with parts of them and becoming someone else, in the hope that this would allow them to receive what they needed.

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but, their unmet developmental need to be accepted and loved by their mother and perhaps their father won’t have disappeared. These unmet needs will cause them to unconsciously re-create situations that are very similar to how it was for them very early on.

Drawing the line

For them to no longer turn their back on themselves and accept themselves, they are going to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk