Although someone can lack a felt sense of worth, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. Even so, they may be aware of the impact of not having this in place.
The reason they may be aware as opposed to will be aware of this is because how they experience life could just be what is normal. If this is the case, how they experience life, as bleak as it is, won’t be something that stands out.
Day To Day Life
Either way, they can often feel down and depressed, and they may, from time to time, have moments when they think about ending their life. They are then rarely if ever going to feel full of life or have much energy.
Getting out of bed could be a struggle and they may struggle to fall asleep at night. When it comes to what they do for a living, they could have a job that is soul-destroying or they could have a career that is not much better.
When it comes to their relationships, they may have a number of friends who don’t treat them very well. If they are in an intimate relationship, they could be with someone who mistreats them.
This person could treat them like dirt; they could call them names, deprive them of affection and perhaps even physically harm them, among other things. This may have been going on for quite some time and they may have been in a number of other relationships like this.
If they are with someone like this right now, they could keep what is going on to themselves. So, if they have people in their life who do care about them, these people might not be aware of what is going on.
If another person was to find out about what is going on, they could end up standing up for their abusive partner. Coming up with all kinds of reasons as to why they are like this and say that they still love them.
Then again, they could tell at least one person about what is going on but that doesn’t mean that they will be able to cut their ties. As bad as it will be, they might not feel strong enough to walk away.
If they were to draw the line and walk away, they might need the help of at least one other. However, even if this was to take place, it might only be a matter of time before they end up in the same or a similar position.
Now, regardless of if they were to cut their ties with someone who is abusive or if their last relationship was abusive, they could believe they are a victim. If they do, they are unlikely to find it hard to find people who will support this view.
But, as they won’t have consciously chosen to be with someone who mistreats them, why wouldn’t they have this view? It could be as though the world is against them and wants to punish them.
If they were to put this view to one side, assuming that they have it, and they were to connect to how they feel, what they may find is that they feel worthless. Along with this, they may come into contact with a lot of shame.
At this point, they could see this as the reason why they put up with such bad behaviour and often feel so low. Ultimately, they won’t feel worthy of being treated well or feeling good.
A small part of them will want to have loving relationships, to feel good and to have a fulfilling career, for instance, but a bigger, stronger part of them won’t feel comfortable with this. This part of them, for some reason, will have a strong need for them to be mistreated and to suffer.
With this in mind, it could be said that there will be a masochistic element to their being. Upon realising this, they could struggle to understand why they would be this way.
What’s going on?
Nevertheless, if they were to take a closer look into what took place during their early years, they might start to understand why they are this way. Having said that, they might not be able to remember much about their early years.
What this could show is that their brain has blocked out what took place in order to protect them. Thanks to this, they will be aware of the effects of what took place but the cause will be a mystery.
Back In Time
During their early years, they may have often been abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s. This would have deprived them of the love, care, affection and support that they needed to be able to grow and develop.
And, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken what took place personally. Thus, it was not that they were being treated badly because of what was going for their caregiver/s; it was because they themselves were bad and worthless.
The meaning that their underdeveloped brain made from what was going on would have played a big part in how they came to see themselves. Along with this, there would have been all the pain that they experienced and automatically repressed.
Now that they are an adult, they will have a self-image that doesn’t reflect who they really are and a body full of painful feelings that will support it. It will be as though there is a parasite inside them and as this has both merged with them and is impacting their experience of life, they won’t be aware of it, let alone realise that it is not part of them.
It will be essential for them to keep in mind that how they were treated wasn’t their fault and that they didn’t and don’t deserve to be treated badly. They were brought up by one or two people who were deeply damaged and were probably mistreated by their caregiver/s.
To change their life and to let the good in, it will be essential for them to let the bad out. This will involve questioning what they believe and working through their repressed pain.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.