Self-Worth: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Believe That They Have To Earn The Right To Exist?
If instead of doing what they usually do, someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may see that it has been one big struggle. Nonetheless, this is not to say that they won’t have ever experienced good things or have good things in their life.
There is the chance that they will have most of the trappings that are associated with success, such as a nice car, a big house and a load of money in the bank, for instance. But, even if they do have these things, it won’t have come easy.
Practically from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep, they could push themselves to the limit. Living in this way will take a lot out of them and most of the material objects that they had might not do much for them overall.
In fact, what they have could remind them of how hard they have worked and how hard they need to keep working in order to maintain the life that they have. If they were to describe what their life is like, they could say that it is like being on a treadmill that never stops.
A Sense of Pride
Still, they could feel proud of what they have achieved and how hard they have worked over the years. They could believe that working hard is the only way to achieve anything and that it is also the ‘right’ thing to do.
Most of the people in their life could admire their work ethic, seeing them as an example of how to behave. So, although they will often feel worn down, they won’t be short of approval from others.
The Other Side
If this is their experience, it could be said that they will have used the power of their will to create a good life for themselves. On the other hand, if someone doesn’t live a life like this and they are not ‘successful’ in the material sense of the word, it could show that they have not tried to resist what is going on.
They will have accepted that life is a struggle and decided that they are not going to jump through the hoops. This doesn’t mean that they will have totally given up and turned their back on society; it can just mean that they will be going through the motions in life.
A Common Experience
Through experiencing life in this way, there is the chance that they will have what is often described as a ‘victim mentality’. They could often feel powerless, helpless and as though they have very little control over their life.
If ever they do work hard, they may typically find that they receive very little in return. It could seem as though they have to do twice as much as others just to receive the same as others or less.
On The Outside
After experiencing life in this way for as long as they can remember, they could carry a fair amount of anger, resentment and rage. Other people could be seen as being lucky or as having something that they themselves don’t have.
Either way, they won’t receive the level of support that they need. What won’t have entered their mind is that the reason other people have different experiences is because that they have different beliefs.
When it comes to someone who does feel supported and lives a life that often flows, they can believe that they deserve to be on this earth. As a result of this, they won’t have the need to earn their right to exist.
The very fact that they are on this earth will be seen as evidence that they have a right to be here. By having this outlook, they will be able to just ‘be’ and to work with the universe, as opposed to needing to ‘do’ all the time and to make everything happen through force.
When it comes to someone who doesn’t feel supported and lives a life of struggle, they can believe that they don’t deserve to be on this earth. Consequently, they can have the need to constantly earn their right to exist.
Therefore, while they will be on this earth, this won’t be seen as evidence that they deserve to be here. Due to this outlook, they won’t be able to just ‘be’ and to work with the universe; they will need to ‘do’ all the time and to make everything happen through force.
What’s going on?
The big question is: why would someone believe that they need to continually earn their right to be on this earth? What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were not given the nurturance, love and care that they needed to develop in the right way.
They may have been neglected and forced to take care of their caregivers needs from a very young age. A time in their life when they were entitled to have their needs met and should have been able to just be, would have been a time when their needs were overlooked and they had to earn their right to receive and to be here.
The feminine side of their being, the part of them that will allow them to just be and provide them with self-worth and a sense of deserving, won’t have developed. What will have developed is the masculine side of their being, the part of them that relates to the ‘doing’ and gives them courage, but won’t provide them with self-worth and a sense of deserving.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.