Self-Worth: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone’s Worth To Be Externalised?

Although someone’s worth is inherent and is, therefore, not based on what they do, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. Instead, they can believe that their worth is based on what they do.

Nonetheless, this is not to say that this is something that they are consciously aware of. Even so, this belief will define how they see life and have a big effect on how they behave as a result.

“On Top”

Through having this belief in place, what could be described as a core belief, they could be very driven and highly motivated. Thanks to this, they could be in a position where they are seen as being “successful”.

If so, this can mean that they will tick the boxes that need to be ticked when it comes to the societal view of what success is. They could have a big house, a well-paid job, a fancy car and a glamorous spouse.

Endless Supply

By being in this position, they could be used to receiving a lot of positive feedback from others. If they are in the public eye, this may often be provided by people who they don’t even know.

Thanks to all this, they will be acknowledged by others and this will play a part in them feeling valuable. But, even if they are not “at the top” in their societies eyes, they can still be very driven, highly motivated and have achieved a number of things.

One Direction

Most, if not all, of their time, can be spent working towards a goal or a number of goals. No matter what they have achieved up until this point, their need to achieve will be as strong as ever.

Once they have achieved something, they may allow themselves to truly embrace what has happened for a short time or they could soon be on the next thing. One is then going to be a human be-ing, but they will be more like a human do-ing.

A Compulsion

There could come a point in time where they will burn themselves out and end up feeling totally exhausted. This could be something that takes place after they have received a number of warning signs.

If this does take place, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to change their behaviour, though. The need within them to carry on, in the same way, can be so strong that they soon go back to behaving how they were before.

Avoidance

As destructive as it will be for them to behave in this way, it will stop them from having to come into contact with how they feel deep down. It is due to these feelings that they are unable to heed the warning signs and to truly change.

Ultimately, as their worth has been externalised, it will show that they don’t have a felt sense of their own worth. Deep inside them, there is a strong chance that they feel deeply worthless.

Stuck On a Treadmill

This is why they will continually need to achieve more as, if they don't, they will end up coming into contact with their true feelings. Most, if not all, of what they do won’t be coming from their need to express their true-self; it will just be a means to an end.

There is the chance that they will typically be out of touch with their true-self. If they were in touch with this part of them and had a felt sense of their own worth, their priority would be to express themselves.

Freedom

They would feel good about themselves, which would take away a lot of pressure and anxiety, and this would allow them to just be. What they do would often be an end per se.

When this is not in place, and to use an analogy, it will be like one is trying to find the gold at the end of a rainbow; irrespective of how close they appear to get to it, they will never attain it. What is clear is that they are carrying a lot of pain or else there would be no reason for them to act like a machine.

Way Back

What this can illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were deeply traumatised. Perhaps they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis.

Either way, they wouldn’t have received the love and care that they needed to develop in the right way. In addition to how painful this would have been, thanks to being egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place.

It’s Not the Truth

The “negative” beliefs that were formed during this time might have matched up with what was going on, yet they are not the truth. The truth is that one’s worth is inherent and while it can be covered up, it can’t be taken away from them.

For them to embrace their inherent worth and to be a human be-ing, they will need to question that they believe and to work through their inner wounds. This is something that is likely to take time.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk