For someone to meet their needs, they are going to need to know that they are worthy of having them met and to take action. Another way of looking at this is to say that there is the being element and the doing element.
However, although both of these elements are important, someone can be in a position where the latter is in place but not the former. Consequently, they are going to be out of balance.
They are then likely to give a lot but receive very little in return. Naturally, living in this way is going to take a lot out of them and they could often feel helpless and hopeless.
To make matters worse, they might not be aware of the fact that they don’t feel worthy of having their needs met. If so, they can believe that they are merely unlucky and that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back.
A Logical Conclusion
Yet, as they will have been doing a lot of the right things, this is to be expected. What can play a part in this is that they are likely to live in a society where taking action and working hard is seen as the most important thing when it comes to being successful.
It is then not going to make sense for them to have done so much and received so little. There is a chance that some of their friends generally don’t have any trouble meeting their needs even though they don’t do as much.
And, as they don’t have a felt sense of worthiness, they might have often gone to the next stage in one or a number of areas of their life, only to go back to where they were before. If this has taken place, they may have felt very angry and frustrated.
This will show is that due to what is taking place for them at a deeper level, they won’t feel comfortable experiencing life differently. Thus, even if they are able to rise up, they will soon come crashing back down to earth.
What’s going on?
At this point, it might seem as strange as to why they wouldn’t realise that they don’t feel worthy of having their needs met. Nonetheless, if they have been this way for most of their life, it will just be what is normal.
Also, they might not even be aware of how they feel, with them being in a shut down state. Furthermore, if they live in a society that is focused on the doing, they won’t be encouraged to explore their inner world.
Back In Time
If this is what is normal and they are in a shut down state, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when their mother and father were emotionally unavailable and unable to truly be there for them.
So, they might have often been ignored, rejected, and left. What this would have done is caused them to feel unwanted, worthless, unloved, and as though they don’t belong.
Taken To Heart
Most likely, their mother and father had also been deprived during their formative years and were unable to provide them with what they needed. But, as they themselves were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place.
In addition to how they felt, they would have come to believe that they didn’t deserve to be here and to have their needs met, among other things. To handle this stage of their life, how they felt and a number of their developmental needs would have ended up being repressed.
The outcome of this is that Instead of being connected to their body, they would have been forced to disconnect from themselves. Their true self would have gone into hiding, with an externally focused false self emerging in its place.
Years would have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten about most if not all of what took place. Even so, what is held inside them will continue to have a big impact on their conscious mind and on how they behave.
A Hidden Need
As they don’t have a felt sense of worth or lovability, a big part of what drives them will be coming from a need to prove that they are worthy and lovable. This will involve them unconsciously recreating a life that is very similar to how it was for them very early on, a time when they were deprived, in the hope that they will finally be valued and loved.
This part of them will still be trying to receive their mother and father's love. It won’t realise that this stage of their life is over and that it is too late for them to meet their unmet developmental needs.
Drawing the line
For them to no longer struggle for something that can’t be received and to develop a felt sense of worth and lovability, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is a process that will take courage, patience, and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.