When it comes to self-worth, this could be seen as something that is an inherent part of someone. Unlike self-esteem, then, it is not something that is defined by how other people respond to them.
Taking this into account, the former is what will allow someone to feel good about themselves and to know that they have value. Receiving approval from others will feel good but as they have a felt sense of their own value, it won’t be something that they are dependent on.
As a result of this, they will be able to take action (to do) and they will be able to relax (to be). In other words, not only will they look like a human being, they will also be able to act like one.
When it comes to what they do, they will probably rarely, if ever, feel the need to do something just to prove their worth. As they are connected to their own worth, they will be able to behave in ways that allow them to express themselves.
A Different Agenda
Without the need to gain other peoples approval in order to feel good about themselves, they will be able to fulfil their true needs. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they will be able to express their true-self.
Therefore, being this way will not only allow them to feel good about themselves, it will also allow them to have a fulfilling existence. Their life won’t be a means to an end; each moment can be an end in and of itself.
It is not that they won’t ever think about how their life will be once something has been achieved; it is that they won’t have the tendency to do something just to avoid themselves. This will enable them to enjoy each step and not to see the present moment as just a distraction.
Being this way is going to allow them to show up in their relationships, too, and to truly appreciate being around the people in their life. These will be people who value them for who they are, not for what they do.
Perhaps this is how their life has been for a just about as long as they can remember. Alternatively, their life might not have been this way for very long, with there being a point in time when it was very different.
If so, due to how different their life is, they might find it hard to connect to this point in time. What is almost certain, though, is that they are likely to be extremely grateful that their life is no longer the same.
When someone is not in touch with their inherent worth, they may find that it is only possible for them to feel good about themselves and of value is when they are receiving approval from others. Consequently, they can have the need to be doing something practically all of the time.
This will allow them to receive approval from others and it will allow them to avoid what is taking place inside them. The trouble with this is that this will stop them from being able to just be.
On A Treadmill
They will look like a human being, but that will be about as far as it will go; they will be more like a machine. In general, what they do is likely to be nothing more than a means to an end.
Their feelings are then not going to be fuelling them; what they do will primarily be powered by their will. They could see the future as a time when they will finally feel good about themselves, which will mean that they are seldom able to embrace the present moment.
By not being in touch with their feelings and being focused on gaining approval from others, it is going to mean that their life won’t be a reflection of their true-self. Not being in tune with themselves won’t allow them to lead a fulfilling existence but what it will do is allow them to avoid their own feelings.
Their relationships with others are unlikely to be very rewarding either, as their false-self will prevent them from truly connecting with others. If they were to no longer behave like a human doing and started to just be, they might start to feel extremely uncomfortable.
Taking their foot of the gas and relaxing won’t be something that feels good; it will be something that causes them to feel bad. Ergo, they might soon feel the need to do something so that they can feel good once again.
The big question is: why are they not in touch with their inherent worth? What this may illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
Back In Time
Instead of receiving the love, care and nurturing, along with the positive reinforcement that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, they would have been starved of what they needed. The interpersonal bridge between them and their caregiver/s would have been broken, causing their being to be filled with toxic shame and self-hate in the process.
This would have caused them to disconnect from themselves, to avoid feeling really bad, and to disconnect from others. A false-self would have soon been formed, with this being a way for them to try to stop other people from seeing how bad they are and, thus, rejecting and abandoning them.
The truth is that one is not worthless or bad; what took place during their early years had nothing to do with them. How they were treated was a reflection of what was going on for their caregiver/s.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.