If one is in a relationship that is abusive, they can find that it is hard for them to feel good about themselves. So, through spending so much time around someone who undermines them, the good feelings that they had will have just about disappeared.
Before this took place, they may have often experienced positive feelings and believed that they deserved to be treated well. Ergo, instead of being in a relationship that allows them to grow and develop; it will be a relationship that is destroying them.
Alternatively, one could work somewhere where someone treats them badly; causing them to feel as though they have no value. It is then not going to matter how they are treated in other areas of their life, as this part of their life will have worn them down.
One could then be treated well by their partner and/or friends, yet this won’t be enough to change how they feel about themselves. The environment where they spend a number of hours during the week will have the biggest impact on them.
Then again, one could find that they feel worthless when they spend time around a certain family member. Due to how this person treats them, it won’t be possible for them to feel good about themselves.
Someone who should have a positive effect on them is then going to be someone who weakens them. After they have spent time with this person, it could take them a while to re-experience positive feelings.
If one finds that they feel worthless when they are around a family member, it might be a good idea to limit the amount of time that they spend around them. They might even need to go one step further and to remove them from their life.
If they work somewhere that is having a negative effect on their wellbeing, it will be essential for them to speak to someone who is higher up the ladder about what is going on. Another option would be for them to find somewhere else to work.
Drawing the Line
When it comes to being in an abusive relationship, they may have already made it clear to their partner that their behaviour is not acceptable. If this is so, the only option that they will have will be to walk away.
This might not be easy, but it will be vital for them to focus on how much worse their life will get if they stay where they are. Through embracing how painful this would be, it might give them the fuel they need to get away.
Time to Rebuild
Once one no longer spends time around someone who makes them feel worthless, it will give them the chance to gradually build themselves up again. This can take place by spending time around people who love and support them and by focusing on their positive traits.
Taking care of their needs and making sure they don’t neglect themselves will also be a way for them to tell themselves that they are valuable. If they have hit rock bottom it will take them a while to rise up again, but they will need to continually tell themselves that they are worth it.
Taking all this into account, it is obvious that other people have the power to make someone feel worthless. Irrespective of how someone feels about themselves, then, if they are around at least one person who treats them badly, they can end up feeling worthless.
However, although it may seem as though this is the case, it overlooks the fact that it is not this black and white. What this doesn’t take into consideration is that someone can already feel worthless at a deeper level.
Through already feeling worthless deep down, it will be normal for them to tolerate how someone like this treats them. The reason why one won’t realise that they already felt this way to begin with can be because they had developed a false-self that allowed them to feel good about themselves.
Underneath this will be how they actually feel about themselves, and this will be the complete opposite of how they feel on the surface. Still, their conscious mind can deny this and make out they don’t want to feel worthless.
At a deeper level, then, they are going to be emotionally attached to feeling worthless, and this will be why they are willing to put up with being treated badly. If they were not attached to feeling this way, they may have done something as soon as another person started to treat them badly.
But as feeling this way is what felt comfortable deep down, there was no reason for them to do anything. Their conscious mind will have resisted what took place but their unconscious mind will have been happy to put up with it.
What this can show is that they were made to feel worthless during their early years, and this would have been a time when they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. At this stage of their life they would have been egocentric and defenceless, meaning that they would have taken everything personally and everything would have gone in.
Therefore, being treated badly meant that they were bad, not that their caregiver/s were not in a good way. After being treated in this way for many years, feeling worthless would have become familiar and gradually become part of their identity – who they were.
When one is no longer emotionally attached to feeling worthless, there will be no reason for them to put up with anyone who treats them badly. It won’t interest them and as this feeling is not within them to begin with, they will be less likely to attract people like this.
If one can relate to this, and they want to heal their inner wounds, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.