Self-Worth: Can Someone Believe That They Are Worthless If they Experienced Early Deprivation?

Although someone has inherent worth, it doesn’t mean that they will have a felt sense of their own worth. However, even if they don’t have this sense, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this.

But, if they are not consciously aware of this, what is going on for them at a deeper level will still have an impact on their life. What can then be normal is for them to believe that how they experience life is caused by what is going on externally.

A Bleak Existence

So, a number of areas of their life might not be very fulfilling, and they could believe that they are simply unlucky. Moreover, they could believe that someone or something ‘out there is holding them back.

For example, they could have a job that they don't enjoy and they could be treated badly. As for their relationships, they could be surrounded by people who are not supportive and are critical.

Emotional State

Consequently, they can spend a lot of time feeling down and even depressed. But, if this is how they often feel, they might not be aware of the feelings that they typically experience.

What can also play a part in this is that, as soon as they experience a painful feeling or feelings, they could consume and/or do something. This will stop them from being connected to how they feel.  

A Human Doing

The outcome of this is that their need to relax and recharge might seldom if ever be met as when they are not working, they can be doings things to avoid how they feel. They are then going to be a human being but they will behave more like a machine.

Still, they could receive a fair amount of positive feedback for being this way, with them seen as someone who is a ‘hard worker’, for instance. If so, this is likely to show that they live in a society that is full of people who are more like machines than human beings.

Another Part

When they are around their friends and family, they can generally focus on their needs and do what they can to please them. They will then be an individual but based on how they behave, it will be as if they are an extension of others.

Due to how they behave, they could often be described as someone who is selfless and very considerate. Not being there for themselves, regardless of the feedback that they receive, is likely to cause them to experience frustration and even anger.

Self-neglect

But, as they will focus on others and won’t be there for themselves, this is to be expected. Along with this, if these people are not supportive and are critical and they have a job that is anything but fulfilling and are treated badly, a number of their needs are rarely if ever going to be met.

Yet, if they were to think about expressing their needs and asserting themselves, they could soon experience fear and anxiety. What this will show is that they only feel comfortable when they are hiding themselves and pleasing others.

Stepping Back

Assuming that they were to arrive at the point where they can see that they neglect themselves and don’t feel comfortable expressing their needs, if they were to go deeper, they could find that this is seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned.  

This partly will come down to the fact that they don’t have a felt sense of their own worth and believe that they are worthless. Thus, the only way that they can be accepted and supported is if they hide themselves and do what other people want.

Confusion

Most likely, what took place during their formative years played a part in why they are this way. This may have been a time when they were often rejected and left by their mother and perhaps their father.

As they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place, with them coming to believe that they were worthless. In reality, their mother and perhaps their father were probably deeply wounded and unable to love them.

A brutal Time

Along with personalising what took place, they would have been deprived and wounded. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain that they were in and a number of their developmental needs.

And, as the pain they were in was repressed and was unable to be faced and integrated, they will still expect to be rejected and abandoned. What has already happened will then be seen as something that they expect to happen.

The Truth

Right now, thanks to the pain and unmet needs that they are carrying, they won’t be able to accept that they have inherent worth and are lovable. Facing and working through this pain and experiencing these needs will play a big part of what will allow them to gradually accept this.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk