Self-Worth: Do Some People's Childhood Sets Them Up To Believe That Their Value Is Based On What They Do?
When someone has the desire to achieve something, it can be normal for them to look into what they need to do. This can be a time when they will draw up a plan, or they could just look into what the first step needs to be.
The next step is then going to be for them to take action, and how long it will take can all depend on what they are trying to achieve. It will then be vital for them to keep going until they have achieved their desired outcome.
If they were to look into why they wanted to achieve something, it could be because it is something that matters to them at a deeper level. There is the chance that it will be seen as part of their purpose for being here.
On the other hand, it could be due to something else; perhaps one is being driven by their need to experience pleasure. This could show that they want to drive a certain type of car and, through having this car; it can be seen as something that will improve their quality of life.
During the time when they are working towards something or even a number of things, they may find that this is not something that completely consumes their life. It will be important to them but it is not going to stop them from being able to take it easy from time to time.
If this wasn’t the case, it would cause them to put their life on hold until they have achieved something. Their life will then be seen as a means to an end, as opposed to each moment being an important part of their life.
And if they can let go and enjoy their life, it can show that they also value themselves. What this will mean is that their value is not going to be based on what they do; it will be based on who they are.
One is then not going to believe that they will need to achieve something in order to feel as though they have value. It could then be said that they are in touch with their masculine and feminine aspects.
This is going to apply to someone regardless of whether they are a man or a woman, and this is because they have both parts within them. Their appearance with be either masculine or feminine, but that will be as far as it goes.
When it comes to one’s masculine side, their value will be based on what they do; whereas when it comes to their feminine side, it will be based on who they are. So, through accepting both sides, it will allow one to be a human being rather than a human doing.
However, while this could be seen as the ideal, one could be in a position where they experience life differently. One could find that they feel as though their value is based on what they do and not on who they are.
Therefore, the only time they will feel valuable is when they are doing something; it is then not going to be a surprise if they are someone who is incredibly driven. Their desire to achieve won’t be a way for them to fulfil their true needs; it will be a way for them to change how they feel about themselves.
Out of Balance
What this is likely to show is that their feminine aspect is out of action and their masculine aspect has taken over. Their masculine aspect will then be compensating for the fact that their feminine aspect is unable to fulfil its purpose.
If they were able to embrace this part of their nature, they would see that they are valuable. But as they are unable to do so, it is not going to be possible for them to feel good about themselves unless they are taking action.
Through behaving in this way, it will allow them to keep their true feelings and thoughts at bay, but they won’t be able to take their foot of the gas, so to speak. As if they do, they will have to come into contact with what is taking place within them.
In the eyes of others, one could be seen as someone who is a workaholic, and they might even admire them. If they have achieved a lot, there could be plenty of people who look up to them.
Even so, one could be used to feeling drained and even exhausted, and it might be a challenge for them to keep going at times. They might have moments when they feel as though they can’t go on or they might want to have a rest, but this is not going to be an option for them.
If they do, they may end up coming crashing down, and they are not going to want to feel this way. One might also believe that other people will see how flawed they are if they change their behaviour.
Being successful will be a way for them to stop themselves from being exposed, as this will be seen as something that will cause other people to reject and abandon them. Even though one may have been this way for as long as they can remember, it doesn’t mean that they were born this way.
What it is likely to come down to is how their caregiver/s treated them when they were younger, and this might have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected. This would have meant that they wouldn’t have received unconditional love, and the attention and approval they did receive would have been based on what they did and not for who they were.
Through not being given the love and care they needed to develop, it would have been normal for them to feel worthless. And even if one didn’t receive attention and approval for doing what their caregiver/s wanted, it would have set them up to externalize their value.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to look at what is taking place within them and to deal with it.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.