Self-Worth: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Attach Their Value To What They Do?

If one was to observer how the people around them behave, they may find that a lot of them have something in common. What could stand out is how so many people are always doing something.

Always On the Go

And even if these people were to go on holiday or to take some time off work, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to take it easy. If one of these people went on holiday, for instance, this could be a time when their mind will be consumed with what is taking place back home.

There can be what they are not doing while they are away and what they will need to do once they get back. So even though their body will be in another country, or another part of the country, their mind will be where it usually is.

One Option
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Consequently, one might end up having to drink alcohol in order to take their mind of what is taking place back home. Yet even though this will settle them down, it is not going to last for very long.

Before long, they will soon have to face what is taking place in their mind, and it could end up being even worse. What this comes down to is that even though one will feel relaxed when they drink alcohol, it could be said that it is artificial relaxation.

Force

One is then forcing themselves to relax, and this shows that they are carrying a lot of tension within them. But as their mind is so busy, this could be seen as the only option that is available to them.

When they get back home, they might experience a sense of relief; this is because it will be possible for them to get things done. Being away will have caused them to experience a lot of stress and they will then be glad that it is over.

Highly Motivated

What is also going to stand out about someone like this is that they have a lot of motivation. Something within them is going to be driving them forward; if they didn’t have this drive, they wouldn’t be able to behave in this way.

And no matter what this person achieves, it is not going to take away their motivation. One is then a human being, but they are going to act as though they are a machine - a machine that doesn’t run out of energy.

On Top Of the Mountain

Through having this drive and taking action, there is the chance that one has been able to elevate themselves to a certain position in their career. One might then have a lot of money and/or they could be perceived as being ‘successful’ by other people.

If what they do is held in high esteem by the society they live in, it is going to cause them to receive a lot of approval. Naturally, this is going to have a positive effect on their wellbeing.

Deep Fulfilment

When what they do is something that is in alignment with their own truth, the approval that they receive from others will be the icing on the cake. One is then not going to be doing what they do to please others.

Alternatively, what they do might not be very fulfilling, but it could be something that allows them to please a lot of people. This is then going to be like a cake without the filling; it is not going to be very satisfying.

A Closer Look

Nevertheless, even if one does come across as though they have it all together, it doesn’t mean that this is the case. The reason why they are unable to relax can be due to the fact that they believe that their value is based on what they do as opposed to who they are.

Therefore, the only way they will be able to feel good about themselves is if they are doing something. One is then going to be a human being who has inherent value, but they are not going to realise this.

A Slave

One can then believe that they are only as good as the last thing that they have achieved, and even if they feel good after this, it is not going to last. It will then be vital for them to achieve something else.

Letting go is not going to be an option for them; if they were to do this, they would soon have to face up to how they feel about themselves. Ultimately, it is not going to matter what they achieve externally, as it won’t have a lasting effect on what is taking place within them.

A Big Contrast

One is then going to achieve things that have value, but they are going to see themselves as someone who has no value. This could then cause one to wonder why they see themselves in this way.

As their value is based on who they are and not on what they do, it is likely to show that they didn’t receive what they needed in order to develop in the right way when they were younger.

Going Deeper

During this time, it is highly unlikely that one received unconditional love. The attention and approval that they received from their caregiver/s would have been the result of them playing a certain role.

So if one did what these people wanted, it would have allowed them to receive positive feedback. This would then have caused them to disconnect from their true-self and stopped them from being able to connect to their inherent value.

Awareness

Another way of looking at it would be to say that one was abused and/or neglected when they were younger. Ergo, what happened all those years ago is still going to be defining their life.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to heal the trauma that is within them and to be a human being, perhaps for the first time in their life. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk