While there are some people who have moments in their life when they take action and moments when they relax, there are others who are practically always doing something. As a result of this, it is going to mean that these people don’t experience life in the same way.
When someone can relate to the former, they can be more successful than someone who can relate to the latter. This comes down to the fact that they will put in more work, and so they will have achieved more.
What this can then do is cause them to receive more approval than the other person; with them being seen as someone who has ‘made it’. At the same time, there is the chance that it is not this black and white.
Even if someone is always doing something, it doesn’t mean that they will be in a position where they have achieved a lot. And even if someone does take the time to relax, it doesn’t mean that they won’t have achieved very much.
There are likely to be plenty of people who work extremely hard and have very little to show for it. In the same way, there are bound to be people who dont seem to do very much and end up with more or less everything they need.
It can be hard to understand why this is the case; especially if someone has worked so hard or if they have done very little. One way of looking at this would be to say that some people are lucky, or more fortunate than others.
If someone works hard, it should be normal for them to do well in life; whereas as if they don’t, they shouldn’t do very well. This is what is typically taught in schools and colleges, for instance.
When someone spends most of their life working and they don’t get very far, they could feel as though the world is against them. That for one reason or another, there is something out there that is holding them back.
Through having this outlook, they could resent the people who are able to achieve things without having to work too hard. This is then likely to stop them from taking the time to look into why these people experience life differently.
When someone doesn’t spend most of their life working and they are able to move forward, they could believe that the world is on their side. In this case, it can be as if something out there wants them to do well.
Through being this way, they might find it hard to understand why some people work so hard. But even if they were to talk to someone like this, they may find that they don’t want to listen to what they have to say.
When someone works all the time, it could be said that they live to work; yet when someone doesn’t, it could be said that they work to live. One person is extremely driven and, while the other has drive, they are able to take a step back from time to time.
What is also likely to be different here is how each person sees themselves; with one person feeling worthless and the other being in touch with their value. This is then going to play a big part in why they don’t behave in the same way.
A Human Doing
If someone doesn’t value themselves, they can try to change how they feel by taking action and achieving things. As unless they are doing something, they will have to face how they feel.
Therefore, everything they do will be a means to an end, as opposed to an end per se. But as what they achieve is unlikely to change how they feel at a deeper level, it won’t be possible for them to take a step back.
When they do achieve something, they can feel good about themselves, but this is not going to last for very long. Their value is then not defined by who they are; it is defined by what they do.
So if they were to take a step back and to relax, they would probably end up feeling bad about themselves. Having to work all the tine will be tiring, but at least it will allow them to control how they feel.
A Human Being
On the other hand, when someone does value themselves, they won’t have the need to run away from what is taking place within them. This will allow them to just be, and they won’t feel the need to do anything.
When they do something, it won’t be because they are trying to increase their value. What this will then do is give them the opportunity to express themselves without getting too caught up in what they are doing.
A Big Difference
Their value is then not defined by what they do; it is defined by who they are. And through being this way, they will believe that they deserve to have their needs met.
When someone believes that their value is based on what they do, there is a strong chance that they don’t believe that they deserve to have their needs met. So even though they are working so hard, it is going to be a challenge for them to receive.
A Deeper Look
If someone experiences life in this way, it can be the result of what took place when they were younger. This could have been a time when their caregivers were unable to love them unconditionally.
Whether they were approved of or not would have depended on if they met their caregiver’s needs, and even if they were approved off, it would have been for the role they were playing. If they did what they wanted, they might have received positive feedback; but if they didn’t jump through the right hoops, they might have been rejected and/or abandoned, or even harmed.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they might need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to look through what is taking place within them and to gradually get in touch with their inherent value.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.