While the ideal might be for one to experience a balanced sense of self worth, this is not always what takes place. Instead, one might experience life in such a way that they feel up one moment and down the next.
This is not to say that one won’t have moments where they don’t feel up or down; as they may well have moments when this is the case. To have moments when one feels elated and moments where they feel dejected are part of life.
But this is radically different to someone who feels as though they can take on the world one moment and as though they can’t get out of bed in the next. And there are going to be moments in everyone’s life when they feel good and moments when they feel bad.
This is part of the ebb and flow of life and how it is impossible for one to always feel good. At times, one is going to experience things externally and internally that will cause them to feel good, just as there will be internal and external experiences that will cause them to feel bad.
The only way one would be able to stop themselves from feeling different would be for them to disconnect from their emotions or to take anti depressants or something similar. Here, one might be without emotions and end up being emotionally numb.
They would no longer experience an emotional flow and they might find that they no longer feel down. But as a result of this inner change, one might find it difficult to feel good.
So it is normal to experience a whole range of feelings and this plays a part in one being able to experience a rich and varied existence. If one always felt good for instance, they would become num to this feeling and it would lose its value. It is through having the ability to feel bad that one is able to appreciate feeling good.
However, there are going to be some people who not only experience emotional ups and downs, but who experience ups and downs when it comes to their level of self worth. And while this could be something they have become accustomed to, it has got nothing to do with the ebb and flow of life.
This is not the same as when one starts a new job or when a relationship comes to an end and they doubt their abilities or value as a human being, for example. In the first case, one might be doing something they haven’t done before and so it is normal to experience discomfort.
And in the second example, one is no longer with the person they were with and the other person is no longer there to affirm them. So to question ones value for a short time is a normal part of experiencing loss.
Up And Down
When one feels up one moment and down the next, their career could be factor as could their relationships. But while feeling doubt or experiencing loss may have a momentary affect on one’s self worth, it is unlikely to cause them to feel completely worthless.
That is unless one doesn’t have a healthy level of self worth and swings between feeling really good and really bad. If this is the case, it might not matter what is taking place in their life, as the same inner experience can occur.
One then doesn’t have the odd moment where they feel down or up or even experience a slight variation in how they feel, how they feel about themselves dramatically changes from one moment to the next.
It is then practically impossible for them to maintain their self worth and to be consistent in how they behave. This might be how they have always experienced life, and it is then part of life and something they have had to put up with.
During those moments when one feels good, it is likely to be a wonderful experience. They are ready to take on the world and to face their challenges head on. Here, one can feel strong, capable, and confident and as though they deserve what life has to offer.
If this was how one generally experienced life it would be fine, but this is nothing more than the calm before the storm. When they no longer feel this way, they’re unlikely to feel centred and at peace and they could feel as though they don’t deserve to exist.
That’s if they allow themselves to experience the thoughts and feelings that appear during these moments; as they might end up engaging in some kind of escape or have a certain addiction. Through this, one is able to repress what is taking place within them and to feel better.
After this, they might end up feeling on top of the world again and then before long, the same thing can happen all over again. And all the time one avoids how they feel, they’re not going to be able to change their life.
What’s Going On?
When one feels good about themselves it is going mean that they have repressed how they feel at a deeper level. And when one feels bad about themselves it is going to mean that how they feel has risen to the surface.
If one faces how they feel they’re likely to experience shame, but this is not healthy shame, it is toxic shame. And this is what is causing one to feel as though they are worthless.
One may have experienced verbal, physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse as a child and/or as an adult. However, while one’s mind may have disconnected from what took place and have no recollection of what happened, the shame they felt during these moments has stayed trapped in their body.
And like parasite, it has infiltrated ones whole being and one then ends up believing that it reflects their true nature. This toxic shame, along with the other feelings that are in the body, will need to be faced and released. The assistance of a therapist or a healer is likely to be needed hear.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.