Although human beings are made of the same things and will all pass on at some point in their lives, it doesn't mean that they all have the same level of value. And while there is inevitably going to be differences between someone who lives in a third world country and someone who lives in a first world country; there are clear differences in the same country.
Differences in the same country can come about through where one lives, what their social status is and what their family of origin was like. And while these factors can appear to be unchangeable and define someone’s value for their whole life, there are numerous examples of people who have gone beyond these limits.
Here, people have not let external factors completely control them and they have gradually moved away from what threatened to define them for life. This is unlikely to have happened over night, but by putting in the work to make their vision a reality, they came to see that they were more than their circumstances.
However, while there are people who manage to do this and break free, it is not always due to the guidance or support of the society that they live in. what ones society defines as valuable could make one feel empowered, but it could also make one feel worthless.
This can also relate to what society defines as beautiful. And if one doesn’t look a certain way, then they are not classed as attractive. The same goes for what ones physical appearance is like.
And while the kind of childhood that one has will play a big part in how valuable one does or doesn’t feel, their time in the education system will also have a massive impact on how they see themselves.
It is here that one can come to the conclusion that their value is based on how well they do with the subjects they have to learn and how well they perform in their exams. And a lot of this is based on regurgitation and requires very little critical thinking and the use of one’s own intelligence.
So if one does well here, they could sees themselves as having value; simply because they have been able to jump through most, if not all, of the hoops that were laid out. And if one got caught in the hoops and was unable to jump through one, let alone a few, then they could see their value as being fairly low or even nonexistent.
Defined By Others
What this usually does is create the belief that one’s worth is defined by others. This is rarely something that one learns consciously; it is something that gradually enters their mind and without them needing to think about it. While one can get caught up in trying to please others, they are unlikely to be aware of the fact that they are giving away their power in the process.
When one goes to school or college, it is clear that they are there to learn from people who are experts in certain subjects. So the approval they gain will be there to reflect their level of competence and it is therefore necessary.
This is not a problem per se, what is a problem is when one ends up believing their value is completely defined by teachers, authority figures and other people in general. When it relates to a certain subjects, then of course they are letting one know how competent they are, but this is by no means a reflection of one’s true value as a human being.
And through being in an environment like this for many years, one can come to the conclusion that their value is out of their hands. It is then completely in the hands of other people.
But before one is even educated by society, their caregivers will have played a part in how valuable one feels. And while ones caregivers may have made them feel special, important and valuable, they could also have made them feel worthless, unimportant and a burden.
When one is made to feel worthless, shame is also going to appear. This can make one feel flawed and that they have no value, or they could go the other way, and act is if they are the most important person on the planet.
If one feels that they have no value, their behaviour will reflect how they feel. And how one is treated by others will often come down to how they feel they deserve to be treated.
They could end up settling in life and feel that they don’t deserve to exist, let alone to thrive. If other people are rude or abusive, one might feel that they have no other choice and that they have to put up with it.
So what ones childhood and the education system can do is make one habitually look towards others to define how valuable they are. And if one gets the all clear from others, they can have what they want or lead the life they want for example.
But although this might be normal and what feels comfortable, it is not a healthy way to live. Not everyone is going to see one as valuable and some people, through their own limits, won’t want to acknowledge ones value for instance.
To wait for another or others to see one as valuable and deserving of something, could cause one to waste a lot of time and to sabotage their own dreams.
This is something that one has to do themselves; another person cannot know ones true value, only they can. And as ones personal value increases, the world will reflect these changes back to them. In terms of how other people treat them and what they attract into their life.
If one feels worthless or ashamed, then this is going to mean that they have trapped emotions in their body, and these will need to be released. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
One can also be assisted through finding a mentor or a coach to aid them in changing what their mind believes about how valuable they are. Reading books on self development or biographies about people who have achieved great feats can also make a difference. The main thing is that one questions what their mind believes and gradually defines themselves.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.