As human beings, it is normal to want to look good, to give things, and to experience success for example. And yet, it is also possible for one to engage in each of these things just to impress others.
To do this from time to time could be described as normal, but if one was to do this as a way of life, it is not going to be healthy. If one does do this as a way of life, they are going to end up being disconnected from their own needs and wants for one thing.
Ones priority is then not following their own truth, it is gaining the approval of other people. Now, this could relate to their friends and family and it can also include people that one doesn’t even know.
It could be irrelevant who one impresses; as long as they do impress others. This shows that their attention is external and not internal. At times, what one does is going to impress others, but there will also be times when it won’t.
Through looking towards others as a way of life and ignoring their own truth, they are going to end up giving their personal power away. So the people that one knows and the people that they don’t know are going to be in control of one’s life.
And this won’t be the only thing that they have no control over, it is also going to affect how they feel. If ones actions do impress others they will be fine, but if they don’t, one could end up being all over the place.
To avoid feeling a certain way, one is going to do all they can to look good in the eyes of other people. When this doesn’t happen, one could feel really low and then before long, they could start doing something else to try to impress others.
The whole thing could become a vicious cycle and one will feel like they’re on a treadmill that never stops. And all the while that one is gaining the responses they want; they are going to be fine.
One of the biggest problems here is that it is not going to possible for one to always impress others. And what impresses someone at one moment might not impress them in the next; with there being the chance that one might need to do even more just to get the same reaction as time goes by.
However, although it is clear to see that this is something that is only going to cause problems and distract one from what truly matters, there is a benefit to this behaviour. So while impressing others will cause one to experience pain, it will also allow them to feel good.
Ending The Game
And all the time one is gaining the feedback they desire from others, it is highly unlikely that they are going to put an end up this game. This is understandable; for if one experiences more pleasure than pain, then why would they do anything different?
At least two occurrences could put an end to this game. The first is that one starts to have experiences where they can no longer impress others, and this is going to stand out if they are used to impressing others. Another thing that could do it is if ones awareness increases and they see this dynamic for what it is.
Out Of Balance
And when one is gaining the approval of others, through impressing them, it is going to be for what they are doing and not for who they are. Now, if what one was doing was an expression of their true self, then this approval would healthy.
But as this approval is for what one is doing, and what one is doing is a result of their need to meet other people’s needs and not their own, it means that their relationships with others are going to be out of balance.
Being And Doing
One is then not being themselves and having people in their life who value them for who they are. The people in their life might only be there because of what one does and not for who they are.
And all the time one is in a place of doing and not being, they are not giving other people the chance to value who they really are. Their behaviour is going to attract people who resonate with the role they play and not for who they really are.
When one feels the need to always impress others in order to be accepted, it is probably because they feel that other people won’t accept them for who they are. They are likely to feel as though they are not enough and that in order to be enough, they need to constantly impress others.
And one reason they feel this way can be due to how they were treated during their childhood. Their caregivers may have only accepted them when they did what they wanted and not for who they were.
This then sets them up to believe that their worth is based on what they do and not on who they are. To be brought up this way would have caused one to feel worthless and that they are not good enough.
Time will have passed, but all the time the emotional experience of the past stays in one’s body, one is still going to feel the same. These trapped emotions will need to be released and one might need to receive the validation that they didn’t receive all those years ago. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.