Self-Worth: Why Do Some People Feel Worthless No Matter What They Achieve?

If one is in a position where they don’t feel good about themselves, they may decide to take action. What this can come down to is that they could believe that this is something that will change if they were to become successful.
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An Example

One could think about someone who is successful and, imagine what their life would be like, if they were to experience life in the same way. This could be someone they know or they could be in the public eye, for instance.

Nevertheless, this is likely to be someone who has achieved a certain level of success, and this means that there could be plenty of people who admire them. There could also be a number of people who see them differently.

Part of It

What this comes down to is that when someone is successful, not everyone is going to see them in the same way. On one hand, there will be what this person is like and, on the other hand, there will be what is going on for the person who does or doesn’t like them.

As even though someone can be a good role model to others and have had a positive effect on the world, it doesn’t mean that everyone will be able to recognise this. What can stop them from being able to see this is what is taking place within them.

Projection

Someone can then end up placing the parts of themselves that they don’t like onto the person who is successful. The reason they don’t like this person is then going to be because they have dumped their own issues onto them.

Therefore, as they this has taken place without them realising it, it is going to be normal for them to experience a strong reaction when they see them, hear about them, or even think about them. This whole process is then going to take place unconsciously, and one will believe that they are simply observing their behaviour.

One Part

Yet, if one was to focus on all the good things that they believe will happen though being successful, they won’t need to get too caught up in this. One could think about how they will feel, how people would respond to them, and how they would be seen.

So, through being this way, there will be no reason for them to feel as they do in this moment of their life. Perhaps, this is how they have felt for as long as they can remember.

The Goal of Life

It could be said that it will be normal for one to believe that success is the answer to their problems, and this is due to what is valued in today’s world. If one is doing well in their career and they make a lot of money, they can be seen as someone who has ‘made it’, so to speak.

Based on this and what one will believe will happen when they experience life in this way, it is to be expected that they would want to be successful. This doesn’t mean that this will always take place when someone feels this way, as they could end up accepting how they feel.

Resistance

When this happens, one might not feel the need to do anything about how they feel, and it will end up defining their life. They are unlikely to achieve a lot, and it will probably be relatively easy for other people to see that they don’t value themselves.

Yet, when one has the desire to be successful, it will show that they are not willing to do this. How they feel about themselves will be what will drive them forward; this will be their fuel.

The Next Step

But before they can take action, they will need to decide what it is that they want to achieve. And although they may end up having one thing in mind, they could have a number of things.

Still, the sooner they take action, the sooner they will be able to attain their goal/s. When it comes to what they want to pursue, it could relate to what matters to them, or it could be the result of what is seen as being valuable by society.

One Direction

During this time, there are likely to be setbacks, and one might even have moments when they wonder if what they are doing is worth the effort. This will be a time when they will need to focus on why they are doing this, and to keep going.

Once they get to where they want to be, they could find that they feel even better than they expected. At the same time, they may find that they don’t feel any different or, if they do, it might not last for very long.

Another Goal

One could then come to believe that they need to achieve something else and, once this has taken place, they will feel different. It will then be vital for them to get their head down and to work hard.

It might not be long until one has achieved what they want to achieve, but they could feel just like they did before. Therefore, if one is able to take a step back, it will be clear that this approach is not working.

Another Angle

One way of looking at this would be to say that one has tried to avoid how they feel by being successful. This is then no different to using drink, alcohol or sex to feel different; it is just that success is rarely seen something that people use to avoid how they feel.

When someone tries to use success to feel different, it will be the same as trying to clean the inside of a window by cleaning the outside. Clearly, this is not going to work; it will only take place when the inside is cleaned.

Going In

If it is not possible for one to feel good about themselves, it can be the result of what took place when they were younger. This might have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.

And so through being treated in this way, it would have caused then to feel as though they were completely worthless. This might have been something that permeated their whole being, as opposed to something they simply came to believe.

Awareness

In order for one realise that their value is based on who they are and not on what they do, they might need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to look at what is taking place within them and to let it go.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk