It has been said that the only way that one can avoid being criticised is if they don’t do anything. When this happens, one will be in the shadows, so to speak, and it will be normal for people to overlook them.
Black and White
However, even though this can sound accurate, it could be said that there is more to it. As even if one doesn’t do anything in life, there are still going to be people who will put them down.
One could end being called lazy, amongst other things, and they could be seen as someone who only takes from the world. Until they give something back, the people around them are unlikely to change their behaviour.
It Goes On
If they started to do something with their life, they might believe that this will stop the people around them from behaving in the same way. And as their behaviour has changed, it could be said that this is to be expected.
Yet, before long, one will soon see that this is not going to stop other people from criticising them. The kinds of things people come out with will be different, but they are still going to feel the need to have a go at them.
The Road More Travelled
Still, if one does something that other people typically approve of, it is likely to limit the amount of criticism that they receive. One is not going to go off the beaten track, and this will be seen as the right approach for them to take.
This may show that one is doing something that matters to them, or they could be playing it safe. If they are playing it safe, the positive feedback that they receive from others is not going to have much of an effect on them.
It Is Not Enough
What this comes down to is that in order for one to live a fulfilling life, they need to listen to their own needs and feelings. If they don’t do this and they focus on pleasing others, it is going to cause them to suffer.
One can embrace how they feel, or they can end up doing everything they can to avoid what is taking place within them. Their priority will then be to please others and this is going to stop them from being able to please themselves.
So while it is good to receive approval from others, this is not going to be enough for one to feel as though they are on the right track. Having said that, it might take one a little while before they realise this.
Their need for approval could be so strong that it causes them to disconnect from their true needs and feelings. This is then going to stop them from being able to face up to the fact that what they are doing isn’t going to bring them true fulfilment.
When one does something to please other people, it can show that they don’t value themselves. Therefore, through receiving positive feedback from others, it will allow them to change how they feel.
One’s value is then not going to be based on who they are; it will be based on what they do. And as they have this outlook, it is then going to be normal for them to have a strong need to achieve things.
There is then the chance that one will be someone who is fairly driven, or they could be extremely driven. This is going to make it difficult for them to just be, but it will generally stop them from having to face their true feelings.
If they were to take their foot of the gas and to take it easy, they might soon end up feeling worthless. At a deeper level, one is likely to believe that other people will reject and abandon them if they find out how flawed they are.
Achieving things in the external world is then going to be a way for them to feel good about themselves and to stop other people from ostracising them. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pressure.
If one is doing something that is somewhat fulfilling, it might be easier for them to experience life in this way. Even so, it is still going to take a lot from them, and there are going to be moments when they don’t receive the kind of feedback that they want.
Another Part of Them
When another person says something negative about their work, one can end up taking it to heart. What this person said won’t have been aimed at them personally, but that is not going to matter.
What they have created is not just going to be something that has come from them; it will be another part of them. And as one sees their work in this way, it is not going to be a surprise for them to behave in this way.
One is in a position where they are unable to detach from what they create; if they were to do this, they would feel worthless. Their value has been externalised, and this is why their value is defined by how people respond to their work.
Through attaching their value to what they produce, it will have given them the chance to elevate themselves. The downside to this is that other people are going to have a lot of control over how they feel.
When someone criticises their work, it is going to trigger how they feel at a deeper level. The pain that comes to the surface can relate to what took place when they were younger, and this may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected.
Ultimately, there value is not based on what they do; it is based on who they are. Once they realise this, they will no longer need to be so attached to what they create, and they won’t have the need to create things that are perfect.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.