While someone can only focus on their own needs, they can also focus on other people’s needs. But although there is another way to experience life, these are often seen as the only options that are available.
If one only focuses on their own needs, it can be normal for people to describe them as being selfish or self-centred, for instance. They are then not going to be seen as an example of how someone should behave on this planet.
On the other hand, when one is focused on other people’s needs, they can be seen as selfless human beings. It is then not going to be a surprise for people to see them as being model citizens.
One person is likely to receive more approval than the other, and this can mean that one of them will have more people around them than the other. As if one is caught up with their own needs, a lot of people are going to be repelled by their behaviour.
It might be relatively easy for them to start a relationship with someone, but that could be as far as it goes. Once someone realises what they are like, they could soon end up walking away from them.
However, if one is not caught up with their own needs, they are going to be far more appealing to others. Thus, not only will they have the ability to start a relationship, they could also find that they are able maintain the relationships that they develop.
How they behave in the beginning is not going to fade away as time passes, and this is because it is who they are. Other people could see them as someone who is only too happy to be there for them.
One Way Traffic
In fact, these people could find that they have the tendency to take more than they give, but this doesn’t mean they will change their behaviour. If they were to ever ask one if they need anything, they could end up being told that it is not necessary.
One can then come across as though they are an independent human being; someone who doesn’t need anything or anyone. There is then going to be no reason for someone to feel guilty for what one does for them, as there is nothing they can do for them.
The Type of Relationship
At the same time, this can depend on the kind of relationship that they have with them. If they are casual acquaintance, for instance, this could be an accurate reflection of what takes place.
Yet, if one if someone is a close friend, they could go out of their way to make sure that they don’t give more than they take. Even so, one could find that they attract people who are self-centred.
One can then be used to being around people who are out of balance, and this could cause them a lot of frustration. Nevertheless, one could ignore how they feel and continue to be there for them.
When one is around others, they could come across as happy and easy going, and this means that they won’t allow themselves to show emotions that could be labelled as being ‘negative’. If they do feel angry or annoyed, for instance, they could remind themselves how important it is to be there for others.
Their focus is then generally going to be on other people and this could cause them to overlook their own needs. If they are more or less always there for others, they might not have a lot to show for their time on this earth.
Or, if they don’t allow helping others to consume their whole life, they might still find that this is something that holds them back. It would then be a lot easier for them to make progress if they changed their behaviour.
If one was able to step back and to think about how they behave, they would see that the people who are self-centred are not the only ones who are out of balance. By focusing on other people’s needs and neglecting their own, they also need to change their behaviour.
The trouble is that even one is out of balance; it doesn’t mean that they will be willing to see this. They could believe that they don’t need as much as other people or they could see themselves as being needless.
If one was to say this to someone, they could agree with them, or they could say that it is not true. In this person eyes, one could be seen as someone who has needs like everybody else.
After a while, one could end up getting defensive and they could talk about what they have done for others. One is then not going to be short of evidence when it comes how they have helped others.
A Cover Up
It could then be said this proves that they are selfless; however, what it could also show is that they have something to hide. At a deeper level, they can feel ashamed of their own needs, and this is why they have to act as though they are selfless.
Being there for others is then an indirect way for them to get their own needs met. Therefore, if they were to drop the act, they could end up feeling completely worthless, and this will be the last thing that they want to experience.
Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with having needs; this is simply part of being human. When one feels ashamed of their needs, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years.
Perhaps one had to take care of their caregivers needs instead, and this would have caused them to believe that their needs are not as important as other peoples. One can move beyond this challenge by working with a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.