What can be normal is for someone to feel bad and as though they are totally worthless. Yet, if they don’t feel this way, there is a chance that it is because they have been able to temporarily cover up how they feel.
During moments like this, watching something and/or consuming something could allow them to disconnect from how they feel. This could be something that automatically takes place, as opposed to something that they consciously choose to do.
Due to how they typically feel, they are likely to spend a lot of time in a depressed physical state. They are then not going to have a great deal of energy and they might only do what they have to do.
So, other than going to work, going shopping and seeing friends, for instance, that might be about as far as it goes in a lot of cases. The thought of reaching out for support might not even cross their mind, thanks to how bad they feel.
A Big Risk
They could believe that if they do reach out, they would end up being rejected and abandoned. Opening up about what is going on for them, then, will be seen as something that would let another or others see how bad they are, with them being cast aside.
At the same time, if they have experienced life in this way for a very long time, they might not be consciously aware of what is going of them. They will then feel bad but they won’t have stepped back and been able to see that they feel totally worthless.
A Miserable Existence
If they haven’t been able to do this, they won’t have an intellectual understanding of what is going on. Either way, it is going to be a challenge for them to allow good things into their life, and they are going to feel comfortable with bad things.
For example, if they are treated badly they might not experience a great deal of resistance, but if they are treated well, they could soon experience resistance. Naturally, as they feel so bad about themselves, they won’t feel worthy and deserving of being treated well.
Consequently, a number of the people in their life might not be very kind or supportive toward them. These people could undermine them in a variety of different ways, making their life harder than it needs to be in the process.
Instead of standing their ground and perhaps cutting their ties with these people, they could just tolerate their bad behaviour. They might also work somewhere where the same thing takes place.
Every now and then, they could feel deeply helpless and they might think about ending their life. This will be seen as the only way for them to put an end to the hell that they are living in.
Now, if someone else was to hear about how they live their life, they might say that there is no reason for them to feel so bad about themselves. They might say that they should feel good about themselves.
If they were to step back and reflect on how they often experience life, they could wonder what is going on. What might occur to them is that based on how they live their life, there is no reason for them to feel so bad.
They won’t have committed a terrible crime but they will feel as though they have and deserved to be punished as a result. At this point, how they experience life could be seen as being completely irrational.
What’s going on?
What this may illustrate is that, during their early years, they were treated like they had done something that was extremely bad. This may have been a time when they were physically harmed, verbally put down and left on a regular basis.
Therefore, they were not cherished, supported or loved or treated like they were wanted and deserved to exist. And, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place.
Being deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way would have caused them to develop a felt sense of being worthless, bad and unlovable. When they were first treated like they were nothing, they might have resisted what was going on, but over time, they would have come to accept it.
Being treated badly by one or both of their parents and perhaps others who were around at this stage of their life would have ended up feeling comfortable. And, as they had developed a felt sense of being worthless, bad and unlovable, this would have been seen as the truth.
The truth is that they are not inherently worthless, bad or unlovable; how they were treated was a reflection of what was going on for the person or people who mistreated them. Most likely this person or people were mistreated during their formative years.
For them to know this at the core of their being, they will probably have a lot of pain to work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.