Sense Of Badness: Can Someone Embody Their Parents Disowned Sense Of Badness If They Were Abused As A child?

If someone is in a position where they have the tendency to feel bad about themselves, their life is unlikely to be very pleasant. It is then going to be normal for them to be in a very low place and their life could be very unfulfilling.

And, as they rarely feel good about themselves, it could mean that there are a number of people in their life that are not very kind. But, even if this is the case, how they are treated by these people might not always stand out.

Another Experience

If they are treated well and like someone who has value, they could end up feeling uncomfortable. Or to be more accurate, part of them can feel comfortable being treated in this way but a bigger, stronger part of them might not.

Due to this, these experiences are unlikely to last for very long or be something that occurs very often. After an interaction like this has come to an end, though, they could hope to soon have another experience like it.

Stepping Back

Based on how they feel about themselves, it can be if as if they have done something very bad. However, although this is what it will be like, it doesn’t mean that they have actually done anything bad.

If they were to reflect on their life then and think about how they typically behave, they could struggle to think of something that they have done that is extremely bad. This is not to say that they will be perfect but, making mistakes and perhaps not always treating others well, is not something that should lead to eternal self-punishment.

What’s going on?

Now, if this is how they have experienced life for as long as they can remember and they simply can’t accept that they don’t deserve to experience life in this way, there is a strong chance that it is the result of what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were brought up by at least one parent who was anything but loving.

Throughout this stage of their life, this parent and perhaps another may have often physically harmed them, verbally put them down and rejected and abandoned them. Ultimately, they would have told them, both directly and indirectly, that they didn’t deserve to exist and were worthless and unlovable.

Straight In

The trouble is that as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have personalised what took place. It then didn’t matter that how they were treated was not a reflection of them, as it would have been accepted as the truth.

What was going on externally was then internalised, becoming a core part of how they would feel and see themselves. Still, although this parent and perhaps another wouldn’t have been able to love them, it would have been too painful for them to accept this.

The Outcome

Thanks to this, they would have had to lose touch with reality and hope that their life would change. Most likely, they would have tried to change what was going on by engaging in a struggle for love.

If they had accepted the reality of the situation, it might have been so overwhelming that their life would have come to an end. Quite simply, they desperately needed to be loved in order to grow and develop in the right way, so they had to deny reality and engage in a futile struggle for what wasn’t on offer.

The Other Side

As for the parent who treated them in this way, assuming that it was only one parent, this may have been someone who was totally estranged from themselves. But, as they were not strongly connected to what was taking place inside them, it would have meant that their ‘dark side’ ended up being projected onto their child.

In other words, the disowned parts of their being ended up being seen as belonging to someone else. Consequently, their child, someone who deserved to exist, was valuable and loveable, ended up being seen as the opposite and was someone who deserved to be mistreated.

Not in a good way

With this in mind, it is clear that this parent was not in a good way; if they were, they wouldn’t have been in such a fragmented state or mistreated their own child. If one was able to accept this all those years ago, their life would probably be different now.

Yet, as they were not developed enough to understand this, they would have been greatly wounded. What took place will now be over, but they are going to carry a lot of pain and unmet developmental needs.

Moving Forward

For them to truly put the past behind them, emotionally, not just mentally, they will most likely need to work through this pain and experience their unmet development needs. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk