In order for someone to live a fulfilling life, they will need to be able to freely express themselves. And, to be able to do this, they will need to have a felt sense of safety.
By feeling safe in their own body, they will be able to listen to their needs and feelings and then allow what is inside them to influence their behaviour. This doesn’t mean that they won’t ever experience fear and anxiety or feel scared.
A Big Difference
But, if they didn’t ever experience these feelings, it would probably show that they have lost touch with part of their humanity. The reason for this is that experiencing fear and anxiety and feeling scared from time to time is part of being human.
These feelings are not bad; they are there to provide one with feedback that will protect them and keep them alive. But, as fear and anxiety and even feeling scared, to a certain extent, are often seen as a problem in today’s world, this is not always understood.
It’s not there
However, as important as it is for someone to have a felt sense of safety, it is not something that every human being on this planet has. Even so, just because someone doesn’t have this in place, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of it.
What this comes down to is that not feeling safe can just be what is normal and thereby, it won’t stand out. By not having this element in place, their life is likely to be anything but fulfilling and they could merely exist.
Still, while they might not be consciously aware of the fact that they don’t have a felt sense of safety, fulfilling their need to feel safe is likely to be a big part of their life. In this case, a lot of their time and energy is going to be directed toward this need.
So, they are not going to live in a prison and will, thus, be free to express themselves and go to different places, but, this is not going to be something that they know at the core of their being. Based on how they live, it could be as if they do live in a prison and are not able to freely express themselves or go to different places.
If they ever leave their home, it could be because they have to go to work, go shopping or see friends and family. Other than this, they could simply feel comfortable at home and seldom feel the urge to go out.
If they do, they could think about what it would be like if they were to go our more but that could be about as far as it will go. Their friends and family, for instance, could often say that they should go out more and spend less time by themselves.
Alternatively, in addition to only going out when they have to, they could go out when their partner goes out – that’s if they are in a relationship. By being in the presence of their partner, they will feel more secure.
The trouble, of course, is that if their partner is not around or they break up with them, they are going to find it hard to go out. In other words, they can are going to be very dependent on their partner.
The Other Side
When they do go out, they could soon experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety and there could be moments when they are filled with panic and terror. Their breathing will speed up and their heart rate will increase, thanks to their sympathetic nervous system being activated.
Naturally, experiencing life in this way is going to take a lot out of them and they could often feel totally exhausted. What is clear is that the sooner they are able to experience a felt sense of safety, the better.
If they were able to mentally detach from what is going on and reflect, they could wonder why their life is this way. They could find that it has been this way for as long as they can remember.
This could cause them to come to the conclusion that they were simply born this way and there is very little that they can do. There is a strong chance that they were not born this way and there will be a lot that they can do to change their life.
Back In Time
Their life could be this way due to what took place during their formative years, and this may have been a time when they were physically harmed by their parents or parent, along with being neglected. As to why they won’t remember this, it will show that their brain blocked out what took place to protect them.
At this key stage of their life, they needed to feel safe and secure and to be loved and protected. Instead, they would have felt unsafe and insecure and unloved and unprotected.
If someone else was mistreating them, they would have been able to talk to their parent or parents about what was going on. But, as the person or people who were supposed to look after them were the ones who were damaging them, this wasn’t an option.
To handle the pain and arousal that they experienced, their brain would have automatically repressed what was taking place for them, and they would have gone into a shut down, collapsed, frozen and disconnected state. This would have allowed them to keep it together and function and kept them alive.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.