Shame: Can Someone Hide Themselves When They Are Carrying Shame?

It could be said that the only way that someone can hide from others is if they isolate themselves. Therefore, if they are around other people, it won’t be possible for this to take place.

Nevertheless, while this might sound accurate, it is something that has very little basis in reality. In the same way that someone can hide by isolating themselves from others, they can also hide when they are around others.

Disconnected

As a result of this, it won’t matter if they are around others as they won’t be able to actually connect to them. The reason for this is that even though they will be physically there, they won’t be there emotionally.

This will be a time when their true-self will be covered up, with them expressing their false-self instead. Their real needs and feelings are going to be covered up and they will take on an identity that doesn’t reflect their true essence.

A Role

What is taking place in their body is then going to be overlooked and their mind will end up taking over. This part of them will do what it can to make sure that they act in a way that will allow them to fit in.

Through being out of touch with their body, they will be out of touch with their true-self. Their mind will compensate for this by looking towards other people for cues about how they should behave.

Two Outcomes

This may mean that they don’t come across as confident; then again, they may come across as though they have it all together. If they come across as confident, it will be a lot harder another person to realise that they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin.

But regardless of how they come across, they are not going to feel comfortable enough to reveal who they really are. If they were to let go of the mask that they wear around others, they might end up feeling overwhelmed

Protection

Wearing this mask will stop them from being able to fully show up when they are around others, but that is unlikely to bother them. Deep down, they are likely to believe that if they were to reveal themselves, they would end up being rejected and abandoned by others.

Putting on an act is then going to be a way for them to cover up how flawed they are and to be accepted by others. They will believe that they only have two options: to reveal who they are and end up being cast aside, or play a role and be included by others.

From The Outside

If another person was to find out about what is taking place within them, they might find it hard to understand what is going on. As far as they are concerned, one could just be seen as another human being.

In their eyes, there will be absolutely no reason for them to feel as though there is anything wrong with them. And, even if they have made a few mistakes in life, it still doesn’t mean that they should feel this way.

An Analogy

When one experiences life in this way, shame is not going to be something that comes and goes - it will be something that has permeated their whole being. It is then going to be the difference between being splashed by water and being in water.

Being splashed by water won’t have much of an effect on someone, but being in water will have a big effect on them. Likewise, experiencing shame from time to time is unlikely to cause one too many problems, but being loaded up with shame certainly will.

Stuck

From the outside, it can look as though one has about as much freedom to express themselves as anyone else; nonetheless, one is not going to feel free. Thanks to how they experience life, it will be as if they are in an invisible prison.

But, due to how worthless they feel, they might not even try to do anything to break free from their invisible prison. The mere thought of reaching to others for support could fill them with fear and anxiety.

What Is Going On?

Someone like this is unlikely to believe that hell is an afterlife location, as it will be something that they are experiencing right now. They will be in a bad way, yet they might feel too bad about themselves do anything about it.

It is highly likely that what took place during their childhood years played the biggest part in how they are experiencing life. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected.

Awareness

Their caregivers may have also carried a lot of shame, causing them to gradually pass this shame onto them. At this age, one wouldn’t have been able to realise that how their caregivers treated them was not a reflection of their own worth.

If one is loaded up with toxic shame, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
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