What someone may find is that it is only possible for them to relax when they are by themselves. Spending time around others is then going to be something that causes them to experience a lot of tension.
It might not matter if they spend time around friends or family either, as they could still feel uneasy. Therefore, while they will have the need to spend time around others, this is not going to be something that is very appealing.
Part of Life
But, although someone like this is going to have a very different experience around others compared with the people who don’t experience tension, this could be what is normal. So, for practically their whole life, they may have been this way.
If this is something that they have become accustomed to, there is going to be no reason for them to do anything about it. It will be as if it is just part of who they are, meaning there is nothing that they can do about it.
In the same way that a fish won’t know that it is in water, due to not having been out of water, one won’t know that there is another way to experience life. Another way of looking at it would be to say that it will be as though they are so close to a picture that they are unable to see what it is.
Ergo, in order for them to realise that there is another way for them to experience life, they will need to detach from the experience when they are around others. In the same way that a fish would need to leave water to realise that it is in water and one would need to take a few steps back to see a picture.
Then again, one might be only too aware of what is going on in their head, realising that this is not normal. Perhaps they have friends who are relaxed and full of confidence when they are around others.
They could then spend a certain amount of time wondering what it would be like to be as carefree as them. Being around someone like this might allow them to feel better, but it is unlikely that it will enable them to behave in the same way.
Nevertheless, regardless of whether they are too attached to their experience to see that something isn’t right or if they are aware that something isn’t right, it is still going to be a challenge for them to spend time around others. Whether they are shopping, meeting new people or going to a party, for instance, they are likely to feel overwhelmed.
If they were able to describe what is taking place within them during this time, they may say they are experiencing anxiety and fear. They could also believe that they are being judged by everyone around them.
With so much going on within them, it is to be expected that they won’t able to feel at ease and to express themselves. Whenever they are around others, it could be as if they are on a stage and that their every move is being securitized by the audience.
One is then going to be extremely self-conscious around others, which will most likely cause them to be stuck in their head and out of touch with their body. Being the centre of attention is not going to interest them, yet it will be as though they are always the centre of attention around others.
A Painful Existence
Living life in this way is not going to be very pleasurable; life could be seen as something that they have to endure. They may find that that they need to drink alcohol to be able to relax and to reveal who they are around others.
Without something to settle them down, their true-self is not going to be able to shine through. What is clear is that until something changes, their time on this earth will continue to feel like a burden.
What is clear is that one experiences a lot of ‘negative’ thoughts and feelings when they are in the company of others. This is likely to show that they have a strong inner critic that lays into them when they are around others.
But, even though it is their inner critic that is judging them and not other people, it can seem as though other people are actually judging them. Now, clearly some people will judge them, but it is their inner critic that is causing the most damage.
Consciously, one is going to resist what is taking place, and they would be only too happy for all this to finally come to end. Unconsciously, however, they can be attached to experiencing life in this way.
Deep down, one can see themselves as someone who is worthless, causing them to feel comfortable with their inner critic’s abuse, feeling bad and being seen negatively. Their attachment to seeing themselves in this way will then need to end in order for them to talk to themselves differently, to change how they feel and to no longer expect to be seen in a negative light by others.
What this can show is that their early years may have been a time when they didn’t receive the nurturing, love and support that they needed. Being treated badly wouldn’t have felt comfortable at this time, but it would have ended up being what was familiar and therefore what felt safe to their ego mind.
The years would then have passed and one would have lost touch with what took place, yet their unconscious mind would have continued to feel comfortable with what took place. Without understanding the part that their unconscious mind is playing in how they are experiencing life, it will be as though these negative thoughts and feelings just appear out of nowhere and that they are not playing a part in what is taking place.
By working through the trauma that is in their body, what is taking place in their mind will gradually change and they will also start to settle down around others. Their inner critic will gradually disappear, too, and this will mean that they won’t need to project this part of them onto others.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.