While there are going to be people who will look towards others when it comes to what it means to be successful, there are going to be others who will look within themselves. When one looks within, it doesn’t mean they won’t be influenced by what other people are doing; what it means is that they will be in touch with their true needs.
Through having this connection, their outer reality is more likely to reflect what matters to them as opposed to what matters to other people. It is then going to be a lot easier for them to experience fulfilment, and this is because their achievements and their goals are going to be in alignment with their own needs and values.
When one lives in this way, it could mean that they don’t have a strong need for approval; if they did, it would be a lot harder for them to listen to themselves. Their need to please others would cause them to experience inner conflict, and one way for them to deal with this would be to do what other people want.
However, this is not to say that one will look as though want to please others, as it could be something that they hide. From the outside, one could look as though they don’t care about what others think, and they may appear to have everything together.
In this case, it can show that one is completely out of touch with their true-self, and it will then be normal for them to play a role. One might hold a high position and have all the material objects that are associated with success.
But beyond their position and everything that they own, they could be in a lot of pain. And while some people might pick up on what is really taking place, a lot people might not.
This is partly because people are often encouraged to disconnect from what is taking place within them and to focus on what is taking place without. One way this takes place is through being conditioned to see life in a certain way.
If one’s definition of success relates to having a career that will make them look good, earn them a lot of money and will allow them to be famous, for instance, it is going to be a lot harder for them to realise that there are people who have all these things who are not living a fulfilling life.
More than Approval
When one’s need for approval drives them to achieve something, it is only going to be a matter of time before they feel let down. If they are able to achieve what they set out to achieve, they might feel good for a short time; but as time passes, they are likely to return to how they felt before.
Therefore, if it is one’s need for approval that is driving their behaviour, it will be important for them to look into why they feel the way they do. This could be a sign that one’s needs were rarely met during their childhood years, and they might then need to mourn their unmet needs.
Through processing this pain, their need to please others is likely to subside, and it will then allow them to listen to themselves. Even though this is unlikely to be something that will happen overnight, it will give them the chance to live a fulfilling life.
It can be a lot harder to for one to take the time to think about why they want to achieve something than it can be for them to simply take action. When one brings their attention within, it can be painful; whereas, when they focus on taking action, it can give them a sense of control.
In the past, one’s definition of success would have been influenced by the people they came into contact with and the media. This can mean that if one’s caregivers were not available during their early years, the media may have had a greater influence on their life.
However, even if they were available, one will still have been influenced by what they saw on a screen or in a paper, for instance. What they were exposed to by the media may have inspired them, and it could then be said that it had a positive effect on their life.
Nowadays, one no longer needs to be around other people or to come into contact with the media in order for them to develop an idea of what it means to be successful. The only thing they need to do is to go onto social media and to see what their ‘friends’ are doing.
And along with their friends, one can also check up on how their favourite celebrities have been spending their time. In this case, one can be influenced by the people they know and by the people they would like to know.
One can then be inspired by what they see, and this could give them the encouragement they need to work towards their own goals. Even if they are inspired by a celebrities, it still might be possible for them speak to them directly.
This is one of the benefits of using social media; it can give one the ability to contact people they wouldn’t have been able to contact before. However, while one can be inspired by what they see, it can also set them up to experience problems.
When one looks at what their ‘friends’ have been doing, they can come to believe that they are living the perfect life. They can come to this conclusion by looking at the pictures and the updates that they share.
One can then feel the pressure to experience life in the same way, and if they don’t, they can end up feeling like a failure. Yet, even though someone may appear to be living life in a certain way, it doesn’t mean they are.
Along with this, one can start to compare their life with celebrities who have been able to rise to the top of a certain profession. And while one can have the desire to experience life in the same way; it might not be possible for them to do so.
This is not to say that one should let go of their need to achieve things; what it comes down to is that we all have a part to play on this planet and it is not going to be possible for one to do everything. If one is not mean to do something, it might not matter how hard they try to achieve it.
Therefore, it will be important for one to take the time to get in touch with their true needs, and to realise that just because someone appears to live the perfect life, it doesn’t mean they are. There will be times when one’s life won’t go to plan, and that’s part of life.
As long as one can learn from what happens and is able to pick themselves up after they experience setbacks, it will be a lot easier for them to achieve what they want to achieve.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.