It is often said that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and while this may be true, there is also the chance that it isn’t. Moving to another area might make one’s life so much better and there is the chance that they are better off where they are.
Just as one could leave a relationship with the hope that the next one will be better and while it could be better, it might be no better than the last. This is because this is not black and white; it will all depend on the situation.
However, one thing the mind looks to do when one is experiencing some kind of discomfort, is to idealise. So as one feels a certain way and their life or an area of their life is not matching up with how they want it to be, their mind can end up believing that other people have the perfect life.
What goes against this outlook and shows that there things that others are happy about and things they are not can end up being filtered out. And as everyone else seems to have it all together, one is then left to reflect on how bad their life is.
While something might look a certain way, it doesn’t mean this is actually the case – appearances are deceiving. For example, a cake might look incredible but it doesn’t mean it tastes incredible.
In the world we live in, appearances are of the utmost importance and what is taking place inside is often secondary. The image that one presents to the world might have very little to do with what is taking place within them. If one relies on their eyes they might not realise this, but if they listen to their instincts or intuition, another outlook may soon appear.
If one was in front of a car that had been damaged and focused on the part that hasn’t been affected, they could come to the occlusion that the car is fine. Yet as they step back and gain a greater perspective, their mind will come to see that there is more to it than meets the eye.
At times, one might feel that their life is going to plan and this could cause them to feel content and at others, this is not going to be the case. Nevertheless, no matter how perfect another person’s life looks, they are going to have challenges like everyone else.
Not only that, each person on this planet has a different journey to fulfil. This is not to say that one should settle for a life of misery or discontentment, what it means is that one has to acknowledge the fact that their life path is not the same as anyone else.
It could be said there is what one wants and what is right for them, and this is due to the fact that one believes they want might have nothing to do with their true needs and everything to do with their conditioning. This is something that can end up being overlooked as a result of living in a world that is focused on making everyone the same.
However, one no longer needs to be around others to feel that something is missing in their life, as they only need to go onto a social media site. This can be done in the comfort of their own home or while they are in the middle of nowhere.
And while one has a certain amount of control when it comes to how they present themselves in public, they have even more control over a screen. The pictures that one uploads can be taken until they look right and even if they don’t, one can edit them.
In the ‘real world’ one might speak before they think, but on social media, they can take their time. But even though what one sees on these sites doesn’t necessarily reflect what is going on for someone, it doesn’t mean that one realises this.
What someone else presents can be taken as an accurate reflection of the other person’s life and it won’t matter whether this is actually reflects reality. It could mean that one only exposes the parts of their life that are going well.
When their life is not going well or if an area of their life doesn’t match up with their rest of it, they could keep this to themselves. There is also the chance that one is living a good life and that they have worked hard to achieve this.
Human beings have an inherent need to be accepted; this is not just so one can feel good themselves, it is also a matter of survival. So although one is behind a screen, the same need is going to be there.
It is clear that some people have a greater need to be accepted than others and this can come down to whether they were accepted during their childhood. If one didn’t get the acceptance they needed during these formative years, it is likely to mean that one has a higher need as an adult.
One approach would be for one to see what others are doing and to use it as inspiration. If one experiences discontent, they could reflect on what needs of theirs are not being met in life and to see if they can start to fulfil them.
So instead of passively observing life and watching others doing things, one could begin to take action. It will also be important for them to remember that appearances are deceiving and don’t always reflect reality.
When one focuses on what they haven’t got it can cause them to forget about what they have got. Yet through focusing on what one has got, they can begin to shift their attention away from what isn’t taking place in their life and this can enhance their wellbeing.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.