Human beings have many different needs, and one of those needs is to feel important. However, this is not to say that everyone will be influenced in the same way by this need; as some people will have a greater need to feel important than others.
It could then be a need that is no more important than a number of others needs that they have, or it could end up being one of their most important needs. This is something that is likely to depend on a number of factors.
If one has the desire to feel important, it is likely to be a sign that they don’t feel important. Whereas if this need is being fulfilled, they might no longer think about it, and if they still think about it, there is a strong chance that their need to feel important won’t be as strong
For example: if one has the need to feel important and this need is fulfilled, they may begin to forget that this need exists. But there is also the chance that no matter how important they feel, they might not feel important enough.
A Black Hole
It is then similar to a black hole that can’t be filled, and while other people are able to meet this need and focus on the rest of their life, it is not going to be possible for them to do this. In this case, it could be said that they are unable to maintain a sense of importance.
This is then going to make it harder for them to feel good about themselves, and they are going to be end up being obsessed with the need to feel important. It may also be a challenge for them to live in the present moment and a number of other important needs may end up being overlooked.
Therefore, just because someone doesn’t feel important, it doesn’t mean they should feel this way. They could be making a significant difference in the lives of others and the people around them may let them know.
There are also going to be others who feel overlooked in life, and they may believe that no matter what they do, they always go unnoticed. They are not being treated how they want to be treated and this is having a negative effect on their sense of self.
However, if it was just a case of one being given the right feedback, then it wouldn’t be possible for someone to feel unimportant if they were being given the right feedback. What this shows is that it also comes down to what is taking place on the inside.
If one is unable to internalise positive feedback, it won’t matter what they hear, and if someone doesn’t value themselves, it is going to be harder for them to experience positive feedback. When someone feels important on the inside, it will be easier for them to be around others who value them, and their need for external feedback will also diminish.
If human beings were dependent, they would always need others to give them positive feedback, and if they were independent, they wouldn’t need positive feedback from others. Yet, as we are interdependent, it means we need to receive positive feedback from others and from ourselves.
When someone doesn’t feel important on the inside, they are either going to have an insatiable need for others to value them or they can end up stop themselves from creating a life where they are valued. How important someone feels as an adult can come down to how they were treated during their younger years; that’s unless they have developed themselves as an adult.
In The Past
In the past, the external feedback that someone received, that played a part in them feeling important, would have come from their friends and family, and through what they did in their community and the world at large. This means that it was for what they did in the ‘real world’.
However, in today’s world this is no longer necessary, and someone only needs to go onto the internet in order to feel sense of importance. Through using social media, it is possible for someone to feel important without doing anything significant.
One can feel important as a result of how many ‘likes’, ’retweets’ and comments they receive on what they share, and by how many ‘friends’ or followers they have. They don’t need to have any particular skill or talent; the only thing they need to do is to share something or to have a certain appearance, for instance.
This can then allow people who already feel important to receive more positive feedback, and for those people who don’t to receive the kind of feedback they desperately need. Based on this, it could be said that social media plays an important role in allowing someone to feel important.
False Sense of Importance
It can all depend on how someone is influenced by the feedback they receive from others. When someone doesn’t feel important and they start to receive positive feedback, it can cause them to go to the other extreme.
They can then end up coming across as arrogant, and this is partly because their sense of importance is out of touch with reality. And even though they can feel better, the change they have experienced in their sense of importance might not be built on firm foundations.
Building on Sand
One can then end up feeling important for no apparent reason, and while this may make them feel better in the short-term, it can stop them from engaging in something that will truly have an impact on their sense of importance in the long-term. How they truly feel is then being covered up and a false self has been created.
If someone wants to develop a real sense of importance it may mean that they have to put more in more effort than they would if they were to just share things on social media, but it will have a greater effect on their wellbeing. And instead of creating an inflated sense of self, they will be in touch with their true self.
In order for this to take place, they may need to look into what they can contribute to the world and to engage in some kind of inner work, and this can take place with the assistance of a therapist or some kind of coach. Another option would be to read books on self-development and to apply what one learns.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.