If a woman has been with men who have cheated, she might come to the conclusion that all men are the same. And if a man has been with a number of women who have cheated, he could also come to the same conclusion.
As a result of what they have been through, it would be normal for them to say that men/women are unfaithful. Their views might also end up being backed up by the people they surround themselves with.
They may find someone who appears to be different, but even though this is the case, they might not be able to trust them. What has happened in the past has shaped their expectations, and they might believe that it is only a matter of time before the other person will do what their partners have done in the past.
This may cause them to see things that don’t exist, and their behaviour may push the other person away. When this happens, it is going to show that their past experiences are stopping them from being present.
In order for them to embrace the present moment and to see the other person for who they are, it will be important for them to let go off the past. This could be a sign that one needs to grieve the loss of their past relationships.
The beliefs that they have created through their pervious experiences will also need to be questioned. Through engaging in these two steps, it will be easier for one to live in the moment.
However, even if they are not in a relationship and choose to say single, they might believe that all relationships are the same. It then won’t matter what their friends or family’s relationships are like, as they may assume that at least one of them has cheated, is cheating, or will cheat in the future.
Their outlook may have also been shaped through what their parent’s relationship was like during their formative years, and what they have heard through the media. Unless one questions the outlook they have and realises that not everyone is the same, it is not going to be possible for them to have a different outlook.
Yet, even though there are plenty of people who do cheat, there are many people who don’t. This doesn’t mean that it is black and white though; as there are likely to be people who were unfaithful at one point in time and then changed their ways, and people who were faithful and then ended up going the other way.
There are many reasons why someone would cheat, and when it does happen, it can be a sign that there is a lack of communication taking place in the relationship. It can show that one person’s needs are not being met, and instead of talking about their experience to their partner, they end up finding someone else to fulfil their needs.
In The Past
When it came to cheating in the past, it would have been necessary for one to go out into the world, and to find someone. This may have meant they found someone at work, while they were out one night, or through a friend, for instance.
However, in today’s world, it is no longer necessary for one to go out into the ‘real world’, and it is easier for them to cover their tracks. This is because of the internet, and how social media has made it easier for someone to cheat.
When someone is behind a screen, it is a lot easier for them to express themselves, and this is because there is a lot less pressure. If, on the other hand, they were in front of someone, it is going to have an impact on their ability to open up.
As a result of this, one can end up saying things that they wouldn’t usually say, and this is going to lead to different consequences. What they may have kept to themselves in the past, can end up being expressed to someone they know on social media.
The option is there for them to talk to people without making much effort, and this means that they can put their relational problems to one side and experience instant pleasure. There is no need for them to experience frustration and to take responsibility for how they feel; they only need to find a ‘friend’ to take their pain away.
Now, it could be said that if someone wants to cheat, they will cheat, and that social media can’t be blamed. And while it would be wrong to say that social media makes people cheat, it would also be wrong to say that social media is not playing a part.
Easy To Access
For example, if one was working and they weren’t thinking about eating, this might change if someone started eating nearby. To say that the others person’s food made them hungry would be inaccurate, but it would also be inaccurate to say that the other person’s food had no effect on them.
Social media has given people options that were not available before, and even though people are responsible for their actions, they are still being influenced by their environment. Through using social media, it is so easy for one to find someone, and this is because they don’t need to go into the ‘real world’ and there is far-less risk involved.
The First Step
It could then be said that on one side, one’s chances of finding someone have increased, and on the other, their chances of being caught have decreased. While they might not have thought about cheating before, this could soon change after they have made contact with someone on social media.
This is not to say that one will do this directly, as it could start off with them making a comment or ‘liking’ a picture. And then as time passes and each interaction builds on each other, it could soon lead to an affair or a ‘hook up’.
Out of Sight, Out Of Mind
Through using one of these sites, one may come across someone they were with when they were younger, and they might not have seen them for years. How they felt in the past can then come rushing back, and it may be hard for them to think about whether they are doing the right thing or not.
In this case, if it wasn’t for social media they wouldn’t have come across an ex or a long lost love, and it could then be said that they wouldn’t have cheated. It could also be said that if one was happy in their current relationship, they wouldn’t end up being drawn to someone from their past.
Whether someone cheats through using social media or by finding someone in the ‘real world, they have still been unfaithful. If one was to blame social media for their actions, other people may tell them to take responsibility for their behaviour.
So if one is unable to stay faithful and wants to change their behaviour, they may need to cut down on the amount of time they spend on social media, and to use it for different reasons. It might also be necessary for them to look at what is taking place within them; as they may have emotional work to do.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.