While ones behaviour is not who they are, it is ultimately what defines them in the eyes of others. For people are not judged by what is going on inside their heads, they are judged by what they do.
For example, when one wants to find out what another person is like they observe their behaviour. If they were to simply listen to the words that come out of the other person’s mouth, they might end up being taken advantage of and expect things that will never be delivered.
So, someone’s behaviour can be changed but in a lot of cases, their behaviour is likely to stay the same. And if their behaviour is allowing them to live the life that they want to lead and to progress, this won’t be a problem.
What will lead to problems is when ones behaviour is not allowing them to live the life they want to live or to make progress. Here, one could end up feeling stuck and if they are not aware of the impact their behaviour is having, they could believe the problem lies elsewhere.
Inner And Outer
One option would be for one to place their attention on how the external world is stopping them from having what they want. And as well as this, one can end up believing that there is something wrong with them and this means their attention is placed on their inner world.
It is possible for one to identify with one of these ways when they are faced with challenges and they can switch between the two from time to time. To blame the external world and to feel like victim or to go inward and to feel incapable, is unlikely to lead to progress.
At times, there are going to external blocks that will have an impact when it comes to one being able to move forward. But this is part of life and something that one has to embrace. They will appear along the way but just because they are part of life, it doesn’t mean that one has let them consume their life.
When one has inner blocks, it will be important for them to observe what is taking place within them. If they identify with what is happening on the inside it could sabotage their progress.
This doesn’t mean that one ignores their inner world and tries to run away from what it is trying to express. What it might mean is that one has something to acknowledge and process, and once this has taken place, this inner conflict is likely to disappear.
So if one is aware of the impact their behaviour is having on their life, they are going to see that they have a choice. Here, one will know how important their behaviour is when it comes to achieving what they want to achieve.
This outlook will allow one to feel empowered and their behaviour is not going to be overlooked. They will understand the following saying: if you change your behaviour you will change your life.
When one is not aware of the affect their behaviour is having, they are naturally going to be in a different position to the person above. And whether they blame the external world or themselves or both, the result is going to be the same.
What this person is going to be aware of are the outcomes that their behaviour creates. And yet, the behaviours that lead to these outcomes are likely to be mystery.
If this person was in touch with their behaviour they would see that it is having an effect. The problem is that they have become disconnected from their behaviour and it is then not possible for them to recognise its effects.
Perhaps they have behaved in the same way for so long that they have just come to except that this is the way life is for then. Then could then be a form of learned helplessness. At one point in time their behaviour might not have had an effect and even though time has passed, their outlook hasn’t changed.
Albert Einstein once said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different result. And regardless of whether one calls it insanity or something else, it is clear that if one does the same thing they are going to get the same result.
So while not getting what one wants is going to be frustrating to say the least, it is going to be a relief to know that it is not personal. This means that one is not being victimised and neither are they unlucky. What it comes down to is that their behaviour needs to change and as this happens, one will begin to move closer to what they want to achieve.
This means that one is in the driver’s seat of their life and they no longer need to sit in the passenger’s seat. Through being aware of this, one no longer needs to stay stuck and to feel as though they can’t move forward in life.
The next step will be for one to change their behaviour. To do this, one might need to read, enrol in some kind of course and/or to find a mentor or a coach.
If one feels they have no control over their behaviour, then this could also be a sign that they have some emotional work to do. In this case, one might need to the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.