Although there are some people who are seen as successful, there are others who are seen differently. What this can come down to is that success is often seen as being something that depends on how well one is doing in their career.
Ergo, if someone is not doing well in their career, other people can come to the conclusion that they are not successful. At the same time, this can also take place if one is doing well in a profession that is not held in high esteem by the society they live in.
For example, if one was a prominent musician or actor, they could be seen as someone who has ‘made it’. There are likely to be plenty of people who look up to them, and they might be only too happy to be in their position.
On the other hand, if one has a built up a funeral business or their own cleaning company, for instance, they are unlikely to be seen in the same light. Based on what they have achieved, it is clear that they deserve to be put into the same category as the person above.
For that reason, if one wanted to receive a lot of approval from others, they might need to take the time to look into what people generally appreciate. If they need to do this, it is not going to take them long to find something to work towards.
The trouble with this is that they can end up neglecting their own needs in the process. Some of their needs will be fulfilled, but the rest to their needs are not going to be met, and this will set them up to suffer.
A Long Way
But before any of this takes place, they might need to wait a number of years before they are able to achieve the level of success they desire. And even if they were to do something for a long time, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to get to where they want to be.
For one thing, they could find that although they want to achieve something, they haven’t got the drive to do it. Or, if might be a challenge for them to delay gratification, and this is going to make it harder for them to be consistent.
However, if one is able to channel their energy into what they want to achieve, there is always the chance that they will make it. Once they get to where they want to be, it could be how they have always imagined.
Having said that, they could feel as though something is missing; it is then going to meet their expectations. This could be a time when they will look into why they feel this way, or they could find something else to achieve.
When it comes to achieving something significant and gaining the approval of others, it can be easier if one is carrying a lot of pain. This pain is then what gives them the drive to rise to the top.
The level of drive they have could be something that other people admire, and they might wonder how they can develop it themselves. There is the chance that the pain that drives them was created during their early years.
During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and this would have meant they didn’t receive the love that they needed. The approval they needed didn’t arrive, and this would have caused them to experience a lot of pain.
They could have been used to feeling powerless and insignificant, and there might not have been anyone around for them to talk to. What they missed out on at this time is then what they are looking to receive as an adult (and this is likely to take place unconsciously).
The Same old Story
Yet, what one is likely to find is that this only causes them to re-experience how they felt as a child. What they are likely to find is that they are unable to receive what they desperately need.
No matter what they attain, they can still find that something is missing; the emptiness they felt as a child is not going to disappear. For them to change how they feel, they will need to face themselves.
No More Running
Through getting in touch with how they feel and working through it, it will give them the chance to change their life. What they didn’t get during this time is not going to be given to them by another adult.
But while someone can become successful due to being brought up in this way, they can also experience life in this way if their childhood was different. They could find that while their parents were strict, they were supportive.
What this can show is that while one wasn’t physically abused or neglected, they suffered in another way. During this time, their parents might have had no interest in who they were, and had the need for them to fulfil a certain role.
One was then not seen as an individual with their own needs and feelings; they were an extension of their parents. Thus, if one was approved of or not, would have depended on whether they did what they wanted and met their expectations.
The only way for them to handle these years would have been to work hard and to do well in whatever they did (or a certain area). The pressure is likely to have been immense, and this would have set them up to be a human doing.
Their value would have been based on what they did, as opposed to who they are as a person. Therefore, although one can look as though they lead the ideal life as an adult, this can be nothing more than an illusion.
On the inside, they are likely to feel worthless, and this is why it is going to be so important for them to main the right image. As if this was to change, they are going to believe that people would realise how flawed they are, and this would result in them being rejected and abandoned.
Ultimately, one is not worthless, but that doesn’t mean that they can just let go of how they feel about themselves. The right support is likely to be needed here, and this can be provided by a therapist.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.