If one was to think about something in their life that they have been doing for a little while, they may find that it doesn’t take much effort for them to understand why they do it. This could be a time when one will think about their job, for instance.
One may come to see that they do this because they need the money, or they may find that it’s something that brings them a lot of fulfilment. When it relates to the former, one would probably do something else if they didn’t need the money.
On the other hand, if it relates to the latter, one might still do it even if they were not getting paid to do it. Doing something just for the money is likely to have a negative effect on one’s wellbeing; whereas when one gets paid to do something they enjoy, it is bound to have a positive effect on them.
In addition to what they do when it comes to making a living, they could think about the kinds of things they do in their spare time. This could be a time when one will engage in a number of different hobbies.
A few times each week, one may go to a gym or spend time doing another kind of exercise. Once again, this could be something that they do to please themselves; it is not something they do to please others.
As one lives their life in this way, it is going to show that they are aware of their needs and feelings. It is then through having this connection that they are able to do things that matter to them.
Along with the connection that they have with themselves, they are also going to feel safe enough to pay attention to the information that is within them. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have firm foundations.
For example, in order to build a strong house, it will be vital for the foundations to be laid down first. Once this has taken place, it will be possible for everything else to be built on top.
In the same way, if one has strong foundations, it will allow them to build a life that is worth living. It will be a life that reflects who they are, and this will cause them to feel as though they are on the right track.
In The Past
But even though one is experiencing life in this way, it doesn’t mean that this is how it has always been for them; there may have been a time when they were out of touch with themselves.
Something may have happened to them that woke them up, or it might have been the result of a number of different experiences that gradually caused them to take a step back. Either way, there would have been a time when they were no longer willing to experience life in this way.
A Different Experience
It could then be said that one would have gone from having a false-self to gradually able to fully embrace their true-self. As a result of this, what they were doing before might have no longer interested them, or there may have been a few things that still interested them.
But as one was wearing a mask, it is to be expected that they will be drawn to different things. They may also find that they no longer spend time with the same people.
However, while this will be how some people experience life, there are going to be others who have a different experience. One could then have a few things in their life that they do to impress others, or their whole life could be based around this.
Due to this, one could be in a position where they are completely out of touch with their own needs and feelings. Or if they are aware of what is taking place within them, they are rarely going to pay attention to it.
But even though one is not going to be fulfilling their own needs, it doesn’t mean that they will come across as though they are unhappy. There could be plenty of people who see them as someone who has it all together.
Perhaps one has been able to achieve a certain level of success, and this is going to cause them to gain a certain amount of approval. Still, if they stopped receiving approval from others, they might soon come crashing down.
This is not to say that they will always feel good about themselves even when they do receive approval, as there is likely to be moments when they get in touch with their true feelings. During this time, they could end up feeling down, and they could see themselves as a fraud.
At a deeper level, there is the chance that one feels worthless, and this is why they have such a strong need to impress others. So if they can impress others they will feel good about themselves and, if they don’t, they will end up hitting rock bottom.
A Deeper Look
When one is out of touch with their inherent value, it can be due to what took place when they were younger. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected by their caregiver/s.
Through being treated in this way, it would have caused them to experience toxic shame and to lose touch with their true-self. One would then have had to create a false-self in order to survive.
If one can relate to this and they want to change their life, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect