When someone holds themselves back in life, there are at least two things that can take place. If one is not aware of the fact that they are holding themselves back, they can come to see themselves as a victim.
On the other hand, if one is aware of the fact that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they will be able to take a deeper look into why this is. By taking this approach, they will be able to liberate themselves over time.
The First Outcome
If someone is not aware of why they are holding themselves back, and is only aware of what they have been doing to move forward in life, they could believe that there is no way that they are playing a part in all this. One could reflect on some of the things that they have done over the years, seeing how hard they have worked.
Perhaps they get up in the early hours most days and only go to bed once they have ticked off everything that they needed to do. There will then be absolutely no doubt about how committed they are to their own growth.
Plenty of Evidence
Along with what they generally do on each day of their life, there can be all the courses that they have been on. They may go on a few courses a year, or maybe they go on at least one course a month.
In addition to this, there can be all the books that they have read on success and achievement. As far as they are concerned, every part of them will want to move forward and to go to the next level.
An Indivisible Barrier
But, no matter what they do to move forward, they will find that they can only get so far. Now, there may be times when they are able to make a breakthrough, but before long, they may soon return to where they were.
It is then going to be a case of one or two steps forward and one or two steps back. When this happens, one could come to believe that a certain person or a certain group of people are holding them back.
Their mental and emotional state could radically change after one of these moments, only for them to rise up again shortly after; this will then prove how resilient they are. This is also likely to show that one will be using a lot of willpower.
Living in this way is most likely going to cause them to experience a fair amount of pressure, pressure that could knock them down from time to time. If another person was to suggest that they may be the ones who are holding themselves back, one may end up being consumed by anger or find what has been said amusing.
One could believe that this person doesn’t know what they are talking about, seeing them as someone who just wants to pull them down or hasn’t got a clue what they are talking about. One will be out there working hard, not waiting for anything to fall into their lap.
What could make it ever harder for them to handle what is going on is if they come across someone who is making clear progress, even though they don’t appear to be working very hard. It may seem as though someone like this has something that they themselves don’t have.
During times like these, one may believe that this shows that they need to try another approach. Nonetheless, what they may find is that changing their approach doesn’t really do anything.
One of the things that they may have learned at one point in time was that they were being held back by low self-esteem. Yet, even after they had worked on this, their life still didn’t change.
A Closer Look
Due to how they experience life, there are likely to be a number of negative feelings that they are used to experiencing - that is, of course, if they don’t have the tendency to repress these feelings. They can feel powerless, helpless, hopeless, trapped, and worthless during the moments when they reflect on how they life is or if they experience a setback.
One way of looking at this would be to say that they only experience these feelings because of what in taking place in their life. Thus, if their life was to change, they would no longer experience these feelings.
Another way of looking at this would be to say that feelings these feelings is what feels comfortable. And, only does it feel comfortable, these feelings are a big part of their identity.
Clearly, feeling this way is not what feels comfortable at a conscious level; yet, unconsciously, feeling this way can be familiar and, therefore, what feels safe. Taking this into account, their conscious mind will want something that is seen as threat to their unconscious mind, which is why it is so hard for them to change their life.
The reason why feeling this way feels comfortable can be the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, for instance.
Feeling this way would have gradually become what felt comfortable and these feelings have become part of their identity. The trouble is that as the years passed, different defences would have been put in place, causing one to gradually lose touch with the information that would allow them to realise why they sabotage their own life.
What this emphasises is how important self-awareness and self-knowledge is when it comes to being able to grow and develop. When one doesn’t have self-awareness and self-knowledge, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel like a victim.
If one can see that they are the ones who are holding themselves back, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.