Inner and outer problems could be seen as being part of the human experience; it is not possible to avoid them. This doesn’t mean that living in a certain way won’t minimize the chances that someone will have inner and outer problems.
But, no matter what someone does, they are not going to being able to stop themselves from experiencing problems. Accepting this fact can make it easier for them to handle challenges when they arise.
So, someone’s life could be going well and, out of nowhere, a loved one could pass on. This could be something that will end up flooring them, with them finding it hard to get out of bed each day.
Alternatively, after working somewhere for a number of years and doing very well, they could end up being laid off. Due to what is going on in the economy, for instance, they will be out of a job and they could be in a very low place.
In both of these examples, along with many others, something will have happened externally and this will have impacted their inner world. Not being affected by what is going on externally may seem like a good thing during this time, yet their experience of life would be very different.
Instead of being able to embrace and to truly participate in the life that they have been given, it would be as though they are just an observer of life. The pain that they avoid through not being affected by life would then be replaced by the pain of not being able be affected by life.
Now, regardless of what they go through in this world, it is going to be a lot easier for them to handle what takes place if they have people in their life who love and care about them. After all, they are an interdependent human being, not an independent human being.
It is then not just about having people in their life so that they have people to spend time with, it is also so that they can be supported. If they tried to do everything by themselves, their life would be incredibly difficult.
A Problem Shared Is a Problem Halved
If someone has lost a loved one or their job, for instance, having people around them will make it easier for them to deal with what has taken place. Their presence will allow them to feel supported and it will give them the ability to rise up again.
Also, simply having people to talk to and to share what is going through their mind will be a massive help. They are then not necessarily going to need these people to do anything for them; they will just need them to be there for them and to hold the space.
Part of Life
One may realise that what they are going through is just part of life, so there is no need for them to keep it to themselves and to pretend that everything is fine. If they didn’t have this outlook, it would show that something isn’t right.
And just as these people will be there for them, one is also likely to be there for the people in their life if ever they are not in a good way. They are then interdependent human beings and they are able to behave like them, too.
Living in this way is the healthy way for someone to experience life; the trouble is that not everyone will experience life in this way. When someone doesn’t experience life in this way, they won’t reach out for support when they are not in a good way.
A loved one could pass on or they could lose their job, for instance, but they will keep their pain to themselves. It could be even worse, though, as they might not have many people in their life.
If they do have people in their life, it is likely to show that they are not very close to them. In general, their relationships with others could be very surface-level and lack the depth that is needed.
They are then going to share what they have been doing with these people, but they almost certainly won’t talk about their feelings. Their relationships with others will be very similar to a diet that lacks the essential nutrients – they won’t be getting what they need.
When it comes to the pain that they keep to themselves, this pain is not just going to disappear. In order for them to feel better about themselves, they may have a number of ways that allow them to avoid how they feel.
One could then use an object and/or an event to keep their pain at bay and to handle life. When it comes to the former, one could end up drinking, overeating or taking drugs, and, when it comes to the latter, they could end up over-exercising or gambling.
What’s going on?
Why would someone avoid their pain and look towards anything but their fellow human beings to handle how they feel? There is the chance that opening up to others is seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and abandoned.
Through having this outlook, it is likely to illustrate that they believe there is something wrong with their feelings and their needs. If this is so, it is going to show that they believe that there is something inherently wrong with them.
The Foundations Were Laid
To understand why they would be this way, it will be necessary to look into what most likely took place during their early years. At this stage of their life, they may have been brought up by caregivers who were unable to be there for them.
If ever they expressed their needs or feelings, they may have typically been rejected and abandoned, or harmed. This would have set them up to believe that there was something wrong with their needs, feelings and themselves.
Therefore, as they were treated this way for many, many years, they won’t feel comfortable reaching out to others. From a young age, they will have been trained to keep their pain to themselves and to find other ways to deal with their needs.
The difference is that now that they are an adult, they will have a myriad of ways to keep their pain at bay. A childhood like this will have set them up to build emotional relationships with things and to have the inclination to be an ‘addict’.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, it will be vital for them to reach out for external support. There is nothing wrong with their needs, feelings or themselves, and there are people out there who will happily assist them.
The support that they need can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.