Support: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Believe That They Will Only Be Loved If They Need Their Parents?
If someone finds it hard to support themselves as an adult, it is likely to cause them to experience a fair amount of frustration, to say the least. This could mean that they don’t have a job or that the job that they have doesn’t pay them enough.
If this is how their life has been for a little while it would be hard enough, but as this is how their life has more or less always been it will be even harder for them to handle. This could be seen as just how life is and something that they have to put up with.
A Helping Hand
Regardless of whether they have a job or not, one or both of their parents could help them out financially. Therefore, although experiencing life in this way will be frustrating, it doesn’t mean that they will have to go without what they need to survive.
In fact, they might do far better than that, with them receiving what they need to lead a good life. Fortunately, then, their parent/s will be there for them; if this wasn’t the case, their life would be a lot harder.
Part of Life
If one believes that this is just how their life is and there is nothing that they can do, they probably won’t look into what they can do to change their circumstances. So as frustrating as this is, it will be something that they have to tolerate.
This not to say that one won’t try to get a job if they don’t have one; no, what it means is that they won’t try to get a job that allows them to stand on their own two feet. And if one does have a job, they might not try to get a promotion or a better-paid job.
However, one might not be willing to accept that this is just how their life is and may look for answers. They could end up looking online or they could read a book on self-development, for instance.
During this time, they could come across information that says that their life is the way it is because they don’t value themselves. Thus, once they start to value who they are, their life will change.
Based on this, one will have been preventing themselves from earning enough money, not someone or something out there. The key here will be for them to take the time to develop their own self-worth.
This can be a time when they will need to question what they believe about themselves, to use affirmations, and to change their thoughts. Up until this point, they might not have even looked into what was taking place inside them.
A New Life
By putting in the work and doing what they need to do to raise their self-worth, they may find that their life gradually starts to change. If they haven’t got a job, they could end up getting a job that pays them well.
Alternatively, they could end up getting a promotion or they could leave where they work and get a better-paid job. Either way, the amount of money that they need from their parent/s could start to decrease.
Then again, while their self-worth could increase, this area of their life might not change. One will then have done what was recommended, but they won’t have achieved what they expected to achieve.
If they felt frustrated before, they could now feel even worse. At this stage, their mind could come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing that they can do to change this area of their life.
Is There More To It?
Nevertheless, what his could illustrate is that it wasn’t that they didn’t value themselves enough; it was due to another reason. To find out what this reason is, they may need to imagine that they can support themselves and that they no longer need their parent/s.
While this could be a time when they feel good, it could be a time when they have the opposite experience. What they may find is that they feel disconnected from their parents/s and as though their love has been taken away.
A Deeper Look
If this is so, there is the chance that their parent/s found it hard to show them love during their early years and that they could only do this by giving them things. Ergo, if one no longer needs anything from them, it could cause them to feel disconnected from them.
The very thing that allowed them to feel connected to them, ‘things’, will no longer be needed, creating a sense of separation. Not being able to support themselves will be frustrating on one level, but on another level, it will allow them to feel connected.
What this emphasises is that there is what is taking place at a conscious level and then there is what is taking place at an unconscious level. When one can connect to what is taking place at a deeper level, the answers that they need are likely to be revealed before long.
At this deeper level, part of them is going to believe that they need to continue to experience life in this way to stay connected to their parent/s and to be loved. This belief will need to be changed and there can be all of the emotional wounds that they will need to work on.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.