A number of years ago, I remember reading something that said that the more we want to change, the harder it is to change. This was the last thing I wanted to hear as I wasn’t in a good way; it also didn’t make sense.
I desperately wanted my life to change; this was something that felt like a matter of life or death. Putting up with all the pain that I was in was not something that interested me in the slightest.
A Dark Place
I thought that if I wasn’t able to do something about the pain I was in, I would end up being wiped out by the pain. Due to this, I did what I could to find a way to get myself out of the hole that I was in.
It was a slow and arduous process, and I often wondered if my life would ever change. As a result of the trauma that had been triggered, I went from what I thought was a good place to a place that was very different.
It was like I had built up the first few floors of a building, only for these floors to come crashing down. The problem was that I had built this house on weak foundations.
Instead of getting in touch with my true-self and going from there, I had simply decorated my false-self. I didn’t know any of this at the time, all I knew was that I had hit rock bottom and needed to do something about it.
A New Understanding
As time passed and I began to settle down, I started to think about what I had read a number of years ago. I thought about if the need I had to heal myself was actually making everything harder.
What also played a part in this was that I came across more information that went into the nature of attachment. It became clear that I had come to point in my own evolution where I was ready to look deeper into this.
A Different Way
I had a very masculine approach that was based on me doing things in order to achieve a certain outcome. The trouble is that the very act of trying to attain something can end up pushing it away, taking it further out of reach.
The feminine approach, on the other hand, is based on letting go and trusting, allowing the universe to provide what is needed, when it is needed. I was in too much pain to be able to trust and to let go earlier on.
There were times earlier on when I was able to take my foot of the gas, so to speak, and this did allow me to find answers, but the general state I was in also brought me a fair amount of frustration and gave me more to feel powerless about. So, while my attachment did cause me problems, it did allow me to work through enough pain to be able to get to the point where I no longer had such an aversion to surrendering.
I think that this shows that it doesn’t matter whether someone is trying to heal themselves, have a fulfilling relationship or to move forward in their career, if they are attached to a certain outcome, it can take a lot longer for them to achieve it. As the saying goes, ‘you can have anything you want if you don’t need it.’
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.