When it comes to relationships with other human beings and with life itself; the heart has a unique purpose. At an emotional level; the left side (feminine) of the heart allows one to receive and the right side (masculine) of the heart allows one to give.
And when one of these sides is out of balance, ones relationships with others and even one’s body will reflect this. It is said that in order to give one must be able to receive.
If the left side and the right side are in balance, one will be able to give and receive in equal measure. This means, that one will not feel that they are giving too much; or that they are taking more than they are giving.
This also involves being able to receive love from others and to give love to others. The ability to be emotionally fulfilled and nurtured in ones relationships and to be able to be emotionally available to others, are all a part of this.
One’s ability to be intimate will depend on how open their heart is to giving and receiving from others. If ones heart is closed and one can no longer receive and therefore give to another; it will be near impossible for that person to experience intimacy.
So whether it is in the closing of one’s heart or in the experience of leading a life without intimacy; there will be pain as a result of the imbalance.
There are two sides to the pain that is being experienced here. On one side there is the pain that is being experienced as a result of not being able to receive love and affection from others. And the other type of pain is what is causing one to close their heart in the first place.
However, this original pain may have been repressed and denied for so long, that it is no longer understood or recognised by the conscious mind.
The Past Experiences.
During relationships and when relationships come to an end, there is inevitably going to be moments of pain. Some relationships can create an incredible amount of pain. This could lead to feelings of rejection, loneliness, abandonment, hopelessness and depression.
These feelings can be faced and by doing so one will be able to grieve and process what has happened over time. This would be the ideal option, but this is not always possible or the chosen option.
If this is not done, it means that one’s feelings will end up being repressed and removed from ones conscious awareness.
This is something the ego mind will do to protect itself. These defence mechanism will be utilized as a way to avoid pain. And in the short term they are necessary, so that the pain can be dealt with.
What will cause the heart to close is when these defence mechanism are constantly there. And what has happened during and after a relationship is not faced and grieved. The pain has no other option than to build up.
As this pain builds up and the painful feelings are avoided or acted on without conscious awareness; one will begin to numb themselves to their feelings. So not only will the feelings of grief, sadness and rejection no longer be felt; the feelings of joy, happiness and connection will also be lost.
The balance between giving and receiving can also come to an end as a result of this process. Although one might have had boundaries before and have been open to other people, there is now likely to be walls and barriers around their heart.
And not only will this keep other people from getting to close; it will also stop one from being able to be connected and loved by other people.
Here the ego mind will begin to interpret ones reality and the people in this reality, as being the same as before. It will also cause one to attract people who will remind one off their past pain.
This is due to the ego minds way of interpreting what is safe based on what is familiar. This means that even though what may have happened in a relationship may have been dysfunctional and traumatic; to the ego mind it is familiar.
As ones conscious mind begins to forget what has happened and the pain goes into the unconscious mind or the body; there will be conflict. And this conflict will mean that one says they want one thing and yet another thing keeps showing up
Whether this conflict makes any sense, will depend upon how aware one is of what is going on at a deeper level. It could be that this conflict has existed from the very beginning of one’s life and is not only due to relationships later in their life.
One may have had a closed heart from the beginning of their life. With the relationships that one is having as an adult, merely reflecting back what one came to associate as safe during ones formative years.
This may have been the result of continued emotional neglect, in the form of: rejection, abandonment, isolation and aloneness. Or it may have been a result of being emotionally overwhelmed and compromised as a child.
And whether this was the first one or the second one or a combination of the two; this can lead to the closing of one’s heart. And with this comes the rejection of one’s heart and the tendency to live completely in the head.
Giving And Receiving
When the trauma and the pain are processed, one can get in touch with and connect to their heart. To give and to receive is ones natural nature and are ultimately two sides of the same coin. If one feels the need to protect themselves and to close their heart in the process - it is for a reason.
And the reasons have to be made conscious, faced and observed. As this can be done through awareness and with the assistance of a conscious individual; one can then begin to open their heart once more and perhaps for the first time in their life.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.