Therapy: Can Someone Look Towards A Therapist To Fulfil The Needs That Their Friends/Family Should Fulfil?
Nowadays, it is not uncommon for someone to reach out to a therapist if they have inner problems. This can be seen as a good thing as it is far better for someone to ask for help than it is for them to suffer in silence.
If they have a relatively minor problem, they may find that they only need a few sessions. Then again, if this is not the case, they may need to have a number of month’s worth of sessions.
A Few Examples
One may have come to see that their anxiety levels are out of control and that they even have panic attacks. Alternatively, they may have noticed that they still feel sad even though another person has passed on quite some time ago.
No matter what they came to see, reaching out for professional assistance would have been the sensible thing to do. When it comes to the people in their life, they might not be equipped to deal with what they are going through.
Conversely, someone could reach out to a therapist not only because they have inner problems but because they have no one around them. They are then not going to be in a good way, yet there won’t be anyone in their life that can be there for them.
As a result of this, their time in therapy can be a time when they will be resolving their inner problems and learning how to develop deeper connections with others. If the second part doesn’t happen, they can end up staying in therapy for a lot longer than they would otherwise.
The Real Reason
Another thing that could take place is that one could have inner problems and they could have people in their life. Nonetheless, even though they do have people around them, they might not be able to fully show up around them.
Therefore, due to the needs that they are unable to meet in their everyday life, they will look towards their therapist to meet them. Or, if one doesn’t look toward a therapist to fulfil these needs, they could look towards a healer, life coach, tarot reader or a psychic, for instance.
A Closer Look
When it comes to what these needs are, they could relate to needs that are essential to their wellbeing. So when they are in the company of someone like this, one could feel: heard, seen, accepted, important, valuable and safe.
And due to how good they feel when they are in their presence, they might not want their time with this person to end. Once it does, they could soon be thinking about when they will spend time with them again.
A Big Impact
Thanks to how good they feel when they are in their presence, one might not actually want to move forward. This is not to say that this is what will be going on in their mind but, deep down, this could be the last thing that they want.
A number of very important needs will be met and there will be no reason for them to stop seeing this person. The downside to this is that this will stop them from being able to grow and to form deep and authentic relationships with others.
A High Price to Pay
Their relationships in the real world won’t change and they will basically be dependent on this person. And, even if they don’t pay this person much money, it is still going to be money they can’t use anywhere else or put to one side.
If the therapist, or whoever else it is, becomes aware of what is going on, they should bring up what is going on, look into what is going on and encourage one to form deeper relationships with others. This will show that although they might enjoy working with them, they don’t want them to stop them from moving forward and becoming self-reliant.
A Different Direction
Clearly, unless the therapist and/or the client are aware of what is going on, it is unlikely that anything will change. Once this does become clear, it will be possible for something to be done about it.
During this time, one can look into why they don’t feel comfortable forming deeper relationships with others. Exploring this area and facing what comes up can then allow them to gradually reveal who they are and to connect to others.
Still, this is not a time when one needs to lay into themselves for being dependent on someone else and not revealing who they are to others. They may find that they end up experiencing shame when they think about what is going on.
This can show that they are carrying a lot of toxic shame, and this shame can be the main reason why they don’t feel safe enough to open up to others. Deep down, they can believe that they would be rejected and abandoned if they revealed their true-self to these people.
Ultimately, there will be a reason why one has only opened up to one person for so long and this is something that they can acknowledge. By becoming aware of what has caused them to behave in this way and bring it to the light, their life will be able to change.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.