When one’s life is not going as they would like it to go, they can do something about it or they can act like a victim. If they were to do something about it, it will naturally give them the chance to change their circumstances.
Yet, if they were to act like a victim, there is a strong chance that their life won’t change. In fact, they could find that it will end up getting even worse, and this can make it even harder for them to realise that they can do something about what is taking place.
As a result of this, when one doesn’t see themselves as being nothing more than an effect of their environment, their life is going to be far more fulfilling. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that one will be able to change their life straight, but it will allow them to take the first step.
When one believes that they have absolutely no control over their life, it won’t be possible for them to take the first step. They are likely to believe that the only way it will change is if other people do.
If one finds themselves in a position where their life is not going as they would like it to go, it could mean that their relationships are not working and/or they could have emotional and emotions problems. This could then be something that they can overlook at times, or it could be something that they can’t just ignore.
Therefore, the sooner they can do something about this, the better their life is going to be. One thing they can is to look for a therapist to work with, and this can take place through going to see their doctor or by going online.
This can be a time when one can work with whoever their doctor recommends, or they could find someone who has an understanding of what they are going through. It could be said that it won’t be the end of the world if they work with someone who isn’t right for them, as they can just find someone else.
And while one might know if they are working with the wrong person straight away, it could take them quite some time. It could be said that this is to be expected, and not something that they would need to criticise themselves for.
It’s all new
For example, if one had starting learning how to cook, there would be no reason for them to get it right straight away. In the beginning, they might not know where to start and, once they do start, they are unlikely to cook the perfect dish each time.
But as time passes, they will gradually understand what they need to do and their cooking will improve. It is then going to be the difference between driving somewhere where they have been on numerous occasions and going somewhere for the first time.
The Typical Approach
When they begin to work with someone, they are likely to focus on what is going on for them. If they don’t feel at peace within, this could be a time when they will focus on what is taking place in their mind.
There is also the chance that they will end up looking into what took place during their early years. If their relationships were not working, they could also focus on their mind and look into their behaviour.
Through focusing on what is going on within them and/or their behaviour, they could find that their life gradually begins to improve. It could then be said that this will have been something that is relatively straight forward.
At the same time, one might only get so far and, even if their life was to improve, they could soon find themselves back where they started. One way of looking at this would be to say that experiencing life in this way is something that feels comfortable at a deeper level.
A Closer Look
It is then going to be important for one to look into why this is something that feels comfortable. Perhaps one believes that something bad will happen if their life changes and this could show that they fear being abandoned, rejected and/or harmed.
As an adult, this might not make much sense, but it might if they were to look into what occurred when they were younger. Yet, even if they were to face this pain, it still doesn’t mean that they will be able to change their life.
One could then be asked if they really want to change, and they could feel as though they are the ones who are at fault. There can then be the pain of what they are going through, and the pain of feeling as though they are the reason why their life isn’t changing.
This could show that one doesn’t really want to change their life, but there is the chance that there is more to it. It might be more about what is going on behind them, so to speak, than what is going on within them.
If they were to take a step back from what is going on within them and to reflect on what is taking place, they may see that they have the need to be loyal to their caregiver/s. Through being this way, it is going to stop them from being able to live their own life; they are going to be living someone else’s life.
What this shows is that it is not just what one has been through in this life that has an impact on them; they can also be affected by what their ancestors have been through. Along with what hasn’t been dealt with in the past, they might not allow themselves to do better than the people who brought them up.
In today’s world, people are generally seen as individuals, and this plays a part in why one can be held responsible for what they are going through. The trouble with this approach is that one is actually part of a system.
And unless what has happened before them is dealt with, one could find that it is incredibly difficult for them to change their life. If one can relate to this, they may find that their life will change through having a family constellation.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.