If someone has a problem with their car, there is a strong chance that they will end up taking it to a garage. And this is likely to take place without one spending a lot of time thinking about whether this is the right decision or not.
This is because one won’t be doing anything that is seen as being abnormal; anyone in their right mind would do the same thing. One may have already spoken to a few people they know and they would probably tell them to go there as soon as they can.
Yet if this doesn’t take place, it could be a sign that someone knows how to fix cars, or that they know another person who does. Other than that, there is generally going to be one solution.
A Different Experience
However, although this is how it can be when one has a problem with their car, it is not always as simple when they are having trouble with their inner world. For one thing, one can be reluctant to reach out for right support.
In addition to this, they might not even tell the people in their life about what they are going through. One can then suffer in silence and act as though there is nothing wrong, and this could make things even worse.
At the same time, one could have an inner problem and not even allow themselves to acknowledge it. What this can mean is that one will end up being drawn to something (or someone) as way to disconnect from how they feel.
When this takes place, they could end up having something to eat, drinking something, or engaging in some kind of exercise, for instance. Through doing this, the people around them won’t be the only ones who are unaware of what is taking place within them.
Out of Touch
How they behave around others is then going to be nothing more than an act and this could cause other people to come to the conclusion that one is in a good place. Also, if one has the tendency to put on an act, they could also be surrounded by people who are just as disconnected from themselves.
These people might only be concerned with how they look and it then won’t matter what is taking place within them. Thus, they are not going to have a strong sense of themselves and if they don’t get the approval they need, they could soon come crashing down.
When one avoids what is taking place within them, it is likely to be a matter of time before they have to face it. But as it will have taken a lot of force to keep what is within them at bay, it could end up coming to the surface at any moment.
One could then end up acting in a way that causes them or others harm and they could develop a number of symptoms. Yet as they are out of touch with how they feel, they might not be able to see the connection.
It would clearly be better for them to listen to what is taking place within them and to find the right assistance. This is not to say that one will have to tell any of their friends or family about what is taking place, as they could go and see their doctor or go online.
If they were to end up having therapy and they were to tell the people in their life about this, they may find that they get the support that they need. Having said that, this could be a time where they are judged in some way.
Someone in their life could ask them why they need to do this and why they can’t just sort their problems out by themselves. In fact, this could be a time when they will try to tell them what to do.
They may say that they have had a similar experience and that they were able to move beyond it by staying positive or through taking action, amongst other things. What this can then show is that they are not empathising with their situation, and that they are looking down on them.
One can then end up feeling ashamed of what they are doing and as though they are taking the easy option in life. This could then cause them to stop working with their therapist or they might just feel even worse.
The person they spoke to could believe that everyone experiences life in the same way and that if they can do something, then everyone can do it. Said in another way, they are projecting their experience onto one how one experiences life and this is why they are unable to give them the support that they need.
They could then lack empathy and compassion, but it could be said that there are a number of reason as to why this kind of response is so common. Firstly, being independent is often seen as the ideal, and this can then set people up to try and do everything by themselves.
As if they don’t, they will be seen as weak and this is naturally going to put someone under a lot of pressure. Along with this, it not uncommon for people to make sure they don’t come across as vulnerable.
So while one could be invalidated by someone who lacks the ability to put themselves in their shoes, there could be a lot more to it. What this could also show is that the reason they are judging one for being vulnerable is because their behaviour reminds them of what they despise within themselves.
However, while one is getting the assistance that they need to deal with their inner challenges, they are too caught up with trying to maintain certain appearance. It then won’t matter if they need assistance, as they won’t be able to reach out for it.
When someone is unable to be vulnerable or to act in a supportive manner when another person is, it can be due to what took place during their early years. Perhaps this was a time when they were shamed or abused in some way, and this may also have occurred whenever they opened up.
And if someone is suffering from trauma or has emotional problems, it is not going to be something that they can simply ‘get over’. Ultimately, reaching out for the support as opposed to suffering in silence is something that takes courage.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.