When I was l watching one of the live video calls that I did with Errol Campbell, there was something that he said at the end that stood out. He basically said that the people who were watching the video were free to share it with those who were ready, not those who simply needed it.
Hearing this made me think about how there is a huge difference between needing assistance and being ready for assistance. The difference is almost as big as the disparity between needing it and not needing it.
I ended up thinking about how I didn’t know the difference between someone who needed help and someone who was ready for it during the beginning of my journey. If I came across someone who was not in a good way, I just assumed that they would be more than happy for me to share what I had learnt with them.
I wasted a lot of time doing this, it had a negative effect on my wellbeing, and I often felt as though I was doing something wrong. This was partly because what I shared was often rejected and partly because I received a lot of negative responses.
A Big Lesson
After having experience after experience of being knocked back, I started to act with more restraint when I came cross someone who needed assistance. This became easier when I started writing articles and books.
Instead of diving in there and talking about different things, I could just talk about what I did and leave it up to someone to decide for themselves if they wanted to go any further. I had given them a candle and it was then up to them if they wanted to go into the cave, so to speak.
A Time and a Place
I also came to see that even though I believed that a certain person should do something, I could only see part of the picture. Ultimately, I might have had something to share, but it didn’t mean that this person needed to hear it.
And, if I had tried to force something onto them, not only would I be acting in a controlling manner but I might prevent them from going through something that they needed to go through in order to grow and develop. I didn’t know everything and I wasn’t wasn’t the ultimate authority.
The Other Part
By stepping back and no longer trying to fix/rescue/save others, I came to see that I was trying to avoid myself. What I really needed to do was to deal with the parts of myself that were not in a good way.
I was unable to see what was going on initially as I was unaware of why I was behaving in this manner. But, when behaving in this way become too frustrating, I had to step back and to look within myself.
What can make it hard to realise when someone is not ready to be assisted is when they act as though they are. They could be in a really bad way and even talk about what has been going on for them, but, when an option is put forward, they may say that they are too busy, for instance.
For one reason or another, they are not willing to go to the next step and to change their circumstances. Still, if someone like this knows that help is there if they need it, they might end up reaching out when they are actually ready.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.