A little while ago, I heard from someone who had had a childhood that was anything but nurturing. This was someone who I hadn’t seen for a number of years.
Although I didn’t know much about them, I was still surprised when they told me this. What surprised me even more, though, was that this was someone who was actually healing themselves.
The Next Part
Shortly after this, I ended up spending some time with them and I was taken aback by what they were telling me. I thought that I had met someone who spoke my language and who was truly committed to working through their own inner wounds.
And not only was this someone who was working on themselves and was connected to their spiritual nature, but they also had a very balanced outlook. Said another way, they were on the path yet their head was not in the clouds.
A Rare Thing
I say this because I have met plenty of people over the years who had had a rough upbringing but who were not working through their inner wounds. In a lot of cases, these people were just trying to avoid their pain by trying to save others or by playing around with their mind using self-development.
I don’t say this to say that these people are ‘bad’, I say that this illustrate why it was such a surprise to meet someone like this. Now, this is not to say that I have never come across someone like this as I have done courses and met people like this there, but this was closer to home.
A Recent Occurrence
Before I met this person, I ended up meeting an old friend from school who had also been through a rough time. And, like the person above, they were also actively working through their inner wounds.
My take on it was that as I had changed, meeting two people like this reflected what had changed within me. I had opened up and had become more authentic, which resulted in my external world mirroring that back to me.
I could fully relate to what they were going through and knew how much courage it took to do what they were doing. There was no need for them to hide what they had gone through or were going through or to worry about me invalidating their experience, by saying things like ‘you just need to get over it’ or to ‘move on’.
Equally, these people could relate to what I had gone through and was going through and there was no need for me to edit what I said. I could relax and be myself, and this was very nourishing.
So, if you had a rough time growing up and are actively working through your inner wounds, please know that this is not the easy route – this is something that takes strength and courage. It would be a lot easier for you to rescue others or to blame them for your problems.
Another way would be to for you to be caught up in what is taking place in your mind or to use ‘spirituality’ to bypass your wounds. Still, even if you do engage in any of these things or any else for that matter, it doesn’t mean that you have to beat yourself up about it.
In the past, I tried to rescue others and I spent years playing around with my mind, using self-development to avoid my pain. Before this, I used spirituality to keep my pain at bay.
My view is that someone will only face the pain that is within them when they are ready and when this stage does come, they may need a lot of support. No one is their own island, and I have worked with numerous therapists and healers over the years.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.