When it comes to how someone behaves and what their life is like, there is the chance that these two things are a reflection of what is taking place internally. In other words, there will be a connection between their inner world and their outer world.
This is not to say that their behaviour and their life, in general, will always be an expression of their true-self; no, what it means is that this part of them will have a big effect on what their life is like. Therefore, they are not going to be used to behaving in a way that is not in alignment with who they are or to live a life that is a complete mismatch.
It would be easy to assume that this is how most people experience life, however, there are plenty of people on this earth that don’t experience life in this way. When someone is in this position, their behaviour and their life is going to have very little to do with what is taking place internally.
What will generally define how they behave and what their life is like will be what could be classed as a false-self. This is not something that will have anything to do with who they are; it will, in many ways, be a manifestation of what will allow them to please others.
One Big Performance
Their real needs and feelings are then going to be out of reach and what will drive their behaviour, and their life, will be what is taking place in their mind. This part of them, the part that will have been conditioned by the outside world, will tell them how to behave and what do with their life.
The experiences that they have had throughout their life will have shaped what this part of them believes and thus, what they have the urge to do. But, as they won’t be in touch with their true needs and feelings, it is highly unlikely that living in this way will allow then to experience a deep sense of fulfilment.
A Poor Replacement
Still, through having the tendency to do what other people want and what they think they want, they may receive a fair amount of approval from others. This might allow them to feel good but it is unlikely to make up for the fact that they are walking down the wrong path, so to speak.
Depending on where they are on their journey, they might be able to push down the pain of not living their truth. This could take place by consuming things, buying things or distracting themselves.
At the same time, they could be carrying so much pain that this approach no longer works. The pain of not living their truth will have built up over the years and now it will be too strong to be kept at bay.
Even so, while they might realise that their life is not fulfilling and be only too aware of the pain that they are in, they might not understand what is going. Something is then going to be wrong, yet they won’t know exactly what is wrong or what to do about it.
For their life to change, they will need to reconnect to their needs and feelings – to connect their true-self. This is not going to take place by being in their mind and thinking; it will take place by being in their body and feeling.
Due to how they currently experience life, it is clear that they don’t have a strong connection to their body. They are living on the surface of themselves and are stuck within the confines of their mind.
What’s going on?
The big question is: why would someone not have a strong connection with their body and typically live in their head? What this will probably show is that it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body as a child and to express themselves.
Perhaps they grew up in an environment that was very unpredictable and inconsistent, with this being a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. Not only would it have been too painful for them to be in their body, but they would have had to become super focused on what was gaping on externally to try to minimize the harm that was done to them.
The Foundations Were Laid
They would then have had no other choice than to lose touch with their true-self and to develop a false-self that would allow them to survive. It was not that they consciously chose to do this; it would have been something that just happened.
It wouldn’t have crossed their mind that losing touch with their true essence and putting on an act would set them up to suffer; their only priority would have been to handle what was going on. Losing touch with themselves and becoming who they had to become to survive is why they are still alive.
A New Beginning
To get back into their body and to no longer be focused on what will please others, they will probably need to work through the layers of trauma that are held inside them. This will allow them to connect to their true-self, thereby allowing them to create a life that is in alignment with who they are.
As this takes place, the behaviours and the parts of their life that don’t reflect who they are will slowly fall away. For so long, they will have been like a caterpillar that was unable to become a butterfly, and now, through the work that they do on themselves, they will have the chance to become who they really as opposed to being someone who they are not.
If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect