True Self: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone’s True Self To Go Into Hiding?

When someone is connected to their true self, they will be aware of their needs and feelings. This will mean that they will be in touch with their body as this will be where most of their needs and feelings will be found.

By having this connection, they will be able to live a life that is in alignment with who they are and this will allow them to have a fulfilling existence. For example, their career is likely to be something that nourishes them and when it comes to their relationships, the people in their life will know who they are.

The Ideal

Expressing their needs and feelings will allow them to feel deeply connected to life and others. They will feel seen and heard on a regular basis and this will have a positive effect on their well-being.

It could be said that how they experience life will be how life should be experienced. After all, they are not here to hide who they are and to act as though they are merely an extension of others.

Another Reality

Nonetheless, although this can be seen as the ideal, there are plenty of people who are not in this position. As a result of this, it will be normal for them to hide who they are and to act like they are an extension of others.

When someone is in this position, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of what is going on, though. Consequently, living in this way will just be how their life is and they will suffer in silence.

Their Experience

By being this way, their true self will rarely if ever going to see the light of day, which means that they will typically play a role. Their needs and feelings will largely be overlooked as a result.

In general, they might not even be aware of their needs and feelings, with what is taking place inside them being a complete mystery. But, as they are likely to be so focussed on the external world and pleasing others, this is to be expected.

No Difference

The needs and feelings of others could typically be seen as their needs and feelings that is how focused on others they can be. Therefore, they are going to do a lot for others but very little for themselves.

Living in this way is going to take its toll on every part of them and they are likely to spend a lot of time running on empty. They could often feel deeply frustrated, lonely, depressed and exhausted.

Hidden

Still, this is not to say that the people in their life will realise how much pain and misery they are in. This can partly be because these people are self-centred and it can mainly be because they themselves create the impression that everything is fine.

Hiding how they really feel and their needs will take a lot of energy and as time goes by, it is likely to get harder and harder for them to stay this way. Before long, something could happen that will cause their false self to come crashing down or at least partly fall away.

The Catalyst

At this point, they could see that they rarely reveal who they are and spend most of their life putting on act and wearing a mask. Yet, although this will be something that they are aware of, it doesn’t mean that they will simply be able to change their behaviour.

On one side, they will be fed up with what is going on but, on the other, they could have a strong need to carry on behaving in the same way. Hiding who they are is not going to serve them but it will feel comfortable.

Trapped

Due to this, it could be as if they are in an invisible prison as they will have the ability to reveal their needs and feelings but they won’t feel comfortable doing so. Naturally, if they don’t reveal who they are, their life is not going to change.
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This is what will allow them to feel fulfilled, connected, alive, powerful and joyful. If things stay as they are, they will continue to live a miserable existence and they might be happy for their life to end.

What’s going on?

If they were to look back on their life, they may find that they have experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember. As to why their life is this way, their mind could go blank.

What this could show is that they are this way due to something that took place very early on, hence why they are unable to remember. Another part of this is that what took place may have been so painful that their brain automatically blocked it out to protect them.

Back In Time

There is the chance that from the moment they were born, they were typically neglected and when they were given attention, it was misattuned care. Thanks to how painful this would have been and how powerless and dependent they were, they would have automatically lost touch with their needs and feelings, disconnecting from themselves in the process.

By being egocentric, they would have associated both themselves and their needs as being bad and their needs as being a threat to their very survival. As their needs needed to be met for them to grow and develop, they would have stayed in an underdeveloped state and their priority would have simply been to survive.

A Brutal Time

Ultimately, there was nothing inherently wrong with themselves or their needs; it was just that their caregiver/s was unable to truly be there for them. But, as they were in an underdeveloped state and needed the right nutrients to survive, let alone to grow, they had to adapt to their environment.

This would have been when their false self first started to develop. So, while they would have been connected to themselves when they were born, this would have gradually changed through being deeply traumatised throughout this stage of their life and perhaps as the years went by too.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk