True Self: Can Developmental Trauma Cause Someone’s True Self To Withdraw?

If someone doesn’t have a strong connection with their true self, it is going to mean that they are rarely going to be aware of how they feel and a number of their needs will typically be a mystery. In general, then, they are going to live in their head and be out of touch with their body.

Therefore, when it comes to how they live their life, they are seldom going to be guided by their feelings. Still, what is taking place down below is still going to have an impact on their life, it’s just that it will do so without them being aware of it.

Outer Directed

By not having a good connection with the information that is inside them, they are likely to look to others for guidance. Not only will this be something that consciously takes place, but it will also unconsciously take place.

They can then do whatever they believe is expected of them, and their age and sex can play a part in what they do. The reason for this, of course, is that although a lot has changed, there are still certain societal expectations that are deeply ingrained and those that are placed on each sex and on the citizenry as a whole.

For Example

So, along with having a certain job, they could have the need to get married and have children. By ticking these boxes, along with others, they can believe that they are doing the right thing.

Yet, as they won’t have a strong connection to their true self, how they experience life and what they desire might not truly resonate with them. In other words, they might not have a real connection with how they experience life or what they desire.

One Level

At the level of their head, what they do will be the right thing and it may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval from others. This can mean that they will fit in and be seen as a valuable member of society.

But, beyond them doing all the right things, they might often just feel like an actor, who is simply going through the motions. This is because they won’t have a strong connection to their emotional self, which would allow them to feel real and alive and connected to what they do and life.

A Strange Scenario

If they were to become aware of how they experience life, they may find that is as though they are on the outside looking in. Their life is then going to be like a film or an episode that they are watching.

From the outside, they may appear to live the ideal life but they are not going to be full of joy and happiness. In fact, their whole existence could seem pretty meaningless and they could often feel very empty.

A Strange Scenario

As bleak as their life is going to be, this is just going to be what is normal. Thanks to this, it will be as if there is not a great deal that they can do to liberate themselves from the invisible prison that they live in.

What they will need to do is to reach out for external support, so that they can start to explore what is going on and gradually change their life. This might not seem like an option, though, as they might not feel comfortable truly opening up to another.

Another Part

When it comes to their relationships, this is likely to be another area where they feel like an actor. By and large, what is really going on for them will be covered up and they will come across in a way that doesn’t match up with what is actually going on for them.

Furthermore, they might not have any close friends, only having people in their life that could be classed as associates. Ultimately, by not having a good connection with themselves, they probably have a good connection with just about anyone or anything in the external world.

What’s going on?

What is clear is that not every part of their being will be available; their emotional self will have gone into hiding. As a result of this, they are a heavily watered-down version of themselves, estranged from their inner guidance, unable to embrace life and deeply connect with others.

If they have become aware of what is going on, they could wonder why they are this way. They could even come to the conclusion that there is something inherently wrong with them.

What’s going on?

What this may show is that their formative years were deeply traumatising and this is why part of them has gone into hiding. From the moment they were born, they may have been neglected and when they were left, they may have largely received misattuned care.

Being left and receiving misattuned care would have been painful and this pain would have caused their true self to withdraw. Naturally, as they were powerless and totally dependent, changing their parent’s behaviour or finding another parent who could love them was not an option.

One Priority

As an adult, they will continue to spend a lot of time in this withdrawn, encapsulated state when they are around others and by themselves and isolate themselves. This will be causing them to suffer now but it was what allowed them to survive a brutal stage of their life.

Taking this into account, there is nothing inherently wrong with them. The truth is that they had no control over what happened and it wasn’t their fault.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk