If someone was to go for a drive, they would be able to go wherever they wanted. So, if they wanted to go left, they could go left, and, if they wanted to go right, they could go right.
Quite simply, they would have the ability to go wherever suited them and to adapt if it wasn’t possible for them to drive through a certain route. By being in this car, then, they would experience a sense of freedom.
Back To the Self
In the same way, the ideal will be for one to feel comfortable enough in their own being to be able to freely express themselves. This will mean that they will have a good connection with their true self and allow this part of them to define how they behave.
By being this way, they will experience a sense of inner freedom. They won’t have the need to please others and to do what they want; they will have the need to live a life that is in alignment with who they are.
This will stop them from behaving in the same way all of the time and denying certain parts of themselves. Still, this is not to say they won’t understand the importance of playing a role at certain times, such as when they are at work, for instance.
Even so, they will be connected to all of their feelings and be able to utilise the information that is provided by them. Thus, there can be times when will go with the flow and times when they will be very assertive.
A Whole Human Being
One will then play different roles throughout each day but they won’t be too identified with the roles that they play. This will make it easier for them to handle whatever takes place in their life.
If they felt the need to always play a certain role, they would be like someone to tries to use a screwdriver or even a hammer to fix every problem. At times, of course, a role will work (as will a screwdriver or hammer) but there will be times when it won’t.
A Radically Different Experience
Living in this way is not going to allow someone to freely express themselves and to feel free. In a way, it will be as though they are wearing an invisible straight jacket.
Considering this, if someone experiences life in this way, it is going to be normal for them to always play a role or a few roles. But, through being completely identified with this role, they won’t be able to realise what is going on.
They might not act for a living, but their life will be an act nonetheless. Most likely, it will be a part that they have been playing for most of their life, which is why they are unable to recognise that this is the case.
This could mean that they generally come across as easy-going and create the impression that nothing bothers them. Additionally, they might not have been able to get very far in life.
The False Self
If they were in tune with their true self, they would be primarily driven by what is taking place in their body as this is where their true essence will be found. Instead of this, they are likely to live on the surface of themselves and their main need will be to please others.
Living in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval but it won’t allow them to truly feel alive. Consequently, they can find that they often feel frustrated, helpless and depressed.
If they were to get to the point where they have had enough, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to let go of their act and to express their true self. Just thinking about doing this could cause them to feel very uncomfortable.
Freely expressing themselves could be seen as something that would cause them to be rejected and unloved. This shows that something isn’t right as being true to themselves should be what feels comfortable and they should feel loved for doing so.
Back In Time
What this may illustrate is that, during their early years, they were only “loved” when they acted how their caregiver/s wanted them to act. It was then not possible for them to be in tune with their true self and to express this part of them; they had to lose touch with certain parts of themselves.
To survive and to make sure that they were not rejected by them, they would have had to play along. The outcome of this was that they ended up be being alienated from their true self and developed a false self.
At the same time, it wouldn’t be accurate to say that they were only loved when they acted in a certain way. This is not love; if they were truly loved, their essence would have been accepted and they would have been encouraged to express themselves.
Ergo, while behaving how their caregiver/s wanted would have been a way for them to avoid being rejected; they would have still been rejected. The message they received was that there was something inherently wrong with who they are and to be accepted, and thereby, survive, they had to be someone else.
The role that they play as an adult will hold them back but it would have allowed them to handle their early environment. To move forward, they will need to know that they can express themselves and still survive and be loved.
If one can relate to this challenge, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.