True-Self: Can Someone Lose Themselves When They Have The Need To Please Others?

It could be said that there are two worlds: the inner world and the outer world. When it comes to the inner world, it is going to relate to what is taking place within and, when it relates to the outer world, it will relate to what is going on without.

A Fine Balance

Even so, this doesn’t mean that the inner world is separate from the outer world; the inner will influence the outer and vice versa. And, in order for someone to be able to express their true self, it is going to be vital for them to have a strong connection with what is taking place within them.

Along with this, it is also going to be essential for them to have a good connection with their outer world. What this will do is allow them to take in new information and to connect to their fellow human beings.

Relationships

One will then have the ability to put themselves in other people’s shoes, and this will enable them to form strong connections with others. What is taking place within them will be important, but it won’t cause them to overlook what is going on around them.

If a relationship wasn’t a two way process, it wouldn’t matter if one had the ability to tune into what is taking place for another person. So, through being this way, one will be able to extend themselves to others and to bridge the gap that exists between them.

One Experience

Consequently, if one is too concerned with what is taking place within them, it is going to cause them to come across as being self-centred. Their needs will be the only thing that matter and they won’t have a lot of time for others.

Naturally, this is going to push a lot of people away, and one might then have a very lonely existence. Or, they could have people in their life who are only too happy to focus on their needs, and this is likely to show that they don’t value themselves.

No Boundaries

Through being unable to empathise, they will probably have the tendency to walk over others. Their priority will be to fulfil their needs and it is then not going to matter how their behaviour affects the people around them.

As long as they get what they want they will be happy, and this is going to cause a lot of people to suffer. After someone has spent time with them, it could take them a little while to recover.

Win-Lose  

They will have given something to this person but they won’t have been given anything back. It might then be in their best interest to make sure that they don’t come into contact with them again.

And if this is something that they experience on a regular basis, it might be a good idea for them to look into why this is taking place. What they may find is that they don’t feel comfortable with their own needs and that they lack boundaries, amongst other things.

Another Experience

On the other hand, if one is too concerned with what is taking place around them, it can cause them to ignore what is taking place within them. Other people’s needs and feelings will be the only thing that matter.

There is then the chance that one will have plenty of people in their life, but they can still end up feeling cut-off. What could stop the people in their life from realising what is taking place is that one could act as thorough everything is fine.

The Other Extreme

Clearly, one is not going to have the propensity to walk over others; however, what they will be used to is being walked over others. They may find that it is easy for them to tune into others people’s emotions and to pay attention to their needs.

They could find that they feel good after they have pleased another person, and this is going to cause them to receive a lot of positive feedback from others. One is then neglecting themselves but they are getting something in return.

Out of Balance

Although this kind of behaviour can be seen as being better than ignoring other people’s needs, it is still going to cause one to experience problems. Through being focused on what is going on around them, it is not going to be possible for them to have their own life.

Their need to please others will have taken over their life and their true-self is rarely, if ever, going to see the light of day. It is then going to be essential for them to focus more on what is taking place within them and less on what is going on around them.

A Deeper Look

Nevertheless, behaving in this way may have kept them alive at one point in time, and this is why behaving in this way can be what feels comfortable. The part of them that wants to live their own life is then going to be pushed to one side and the part of them that has attached their survival to pleasing others will have taken over.

What this can show is that they were abused and/or neglected during their younger years.  If they didn’t focus on their caregiver/s needs, their very survival would have been at risk.

Awareness

The years will have gone by but what took place all those years ago will still be defining their life. There will be the beliefs that one developed when they were younger and they could be carrying trauma.
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If one can relate to this, and they want to change their circumstances, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist or a healer. This will give them the opportunity to heal themselves.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk