It could be said that there will be how one will behave when they are in touch with their true-self and then there will be how they will behave when they are not. When it comes to the former, one will be aware of their needs and feelings.
These elements will have a big effect on what they do and don’t do. What this will show is that not only do they have a good connection with their inner world; they also feel comfortable expressing who they are.
The Only Option
Thanks to the connection that they have with themselves, simply going along with what other people are doing is not going to interest them. If they were to do this, they would know that they would be neglecting themselves.
Behaving in this way might allow them to gain approval but it won’t allow them to live a fulfilling life. If one behaved in this manner in the past, they will have a clear idea about how painful it is to ignore themselves.
In the past, then, expressing who they were would have been a big challenge. What would have felt comfortable was doing what other people wanted, and this may have been something that just happened.
For one reason or another, one would have got to the point where they could no longer behave in this way. If they were to look back on this stage of their life, it might be hard for them to relate to how they were.
When it comes to the latter, one is rarely, if ever, going to be in touch with their needs and feelings. Instead, they will spend most of their time being tuned into the needs and feelings of others.
Doing what these people want, or what they think they want, will be their main priority. Behaving in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval, but what it won’t do is take their pain away.
The pain in question will relate to the pain that they experience by not listening to themselves. Regardless of whether they are aware of the fact that they are going against themselves or not, they will still pay a price.
So to keep this pain at bay, they will need to do what they can to receive positive feedback from others. It then won’t matter if they ever do any acting, as their whole life will be an act.
At the same time, one could be in a position where they do have moments when they are aware of their needs and feelings. In fact, one may generally know what is taking place within them.
Unlike the person above, their attention won’t be fully on what is taking place externally. However, even though they will be aware of what is going on within them and what is going on without, what is going on without will still define how they behave.
The person above will need to get in touch with how they feel and then to express who they are, while this person will just need to express who they are. If one is in tune with what is going on within them, it could be said that they will simple need to change their behaviour.
It is then a case of facing their fear and doing it anyway. In the short-term this will be painful but, in the long-term, it will allow them to transform their life and to live a life that is worth living.
Far More Complex
One could find that it is not possible for them to simply change their behaviour as they end up being overwhelmed at the mere thought of expressing who they are. Once they have come into contact with this pain, they could feel a strong need to carry on as normal.
It might be hard for them to understand why this takes place, especially as this should be what feels normal. Nonetheless, if they were to look back on their life, they may find out why their life is this way.
Back In Time
Their early years may have been a time when they were neglected, which would have stopped them from receiving the care that they needed to be able to develop in the right way. Throughout their early years, they may have felt as though their life was going to end on a regular basis.
The reason for this is that when they were left at this stage, they would have felt as though they were going to die. This would have been due to the fact that they wouldn’t have had the ability to sooth themselves and this was why their emotions would have overwhelmed them.
A Strong Fear
As an adult one will have a fear of being abandoned, yet what they fear will have already taken place. With this in mind, it is not that they fear being abandoned; it is that they fear coming into contact with the trauma that they experienced all those years ago.
The years will have passed since that time in their life, but what they experienced will have stayed in their body. And as the pain within them is going to be extremely strong, it is not much of a surprise that it is controlling their life.
If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
By having external support, they will be able to work through the pain that is trapped in their body. This is not something that will happen overnight, of course, but it will happen as long as they keep going.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.