True-Self: Does Someone Need To Feel Safe In Order To Be Themselves?

How someone behaves around others can be in alignment with who they are, or it can be a reflection of their false-self. However, even if it is not a reflection of their true-self, it doesn’t mean that other people will realise this.

An Act

One is then going to behave in a way that doesn’t match with their true needs, feelings and preferences, amongst other things. Yet, if one has behaved in that way for quite some time, there is going to be no reason for other people to see that something isn’t right.

Also, if one was to no longer behave in the same way, it could have a negative effect on their relationships. The people around them might no longer feel the desire to spend time with them.

Another Outcome

Alternatively, some of the people around them could end up doing everything they can to force them back into the role that they played before. This will be a role that allows these people to function.

Therefore, if one was to change, it would no longer be possible for these people to behave in the same way. This could cause them to experience things that they haven’t experienced for a while.

Avoidance

For example, if one of their friends has been able to avoid their own pain through trying to rescue them, they may come into contact with the part of themselves that they need to rescue. The ideal would be for them to embrace how they feel and then to work through it.

This could be the last thing on their mind, though, and this will be why they will try to get one to return to how they were before. It is then clear that this person is not interested in whether one is in touch with their true-self or not.

Out of Balance

Conversely, one could be in a position where they have at least one friend who is self-centred. So when they get together, it could be a time when their friend does most of the talking.

This person is likely to believe that their life is more important, and this could be how they are with most people. They are going to be the centre of the universe and everyone else will be there to serve them.

Self-Neglect

The relationship that one has with someone like this is going to be based on approval. One is then neglecting their own needs in order to fulfil some of their friends needs.

From the outside, it can seem strange as to why someone would neglect themselves in this way, and why the other person is completely consumed with their own needs. What this is likely to show is that one doesn’t value themselves.

The Answer

The other person probably doesn’t value themselves, either, and there is a strong chance that they lack self-awareness. Someone like this is likely to blame other people for their problems, and is naturally going to make it difficult for them to change.

With that aside, it is clear that one will need to let go of their need for approval and to value themselves. Once this has taken place, it will allow them to finally express who they really are.

A New Beginning

And while some of their relationships might come to an end, there could be others that will gradually change. But regardless of what happens, they will soon come into contact with other people who will accept who they are.

Then again, one could find that even though they no longer need approval (or as much as used to) and they value themselves, they still feel the need to hide their true-self. One way of looking at this would be to say that this shows that one still has a strong need for approval.

Another Angle

It can then be about looking into what they believe and changing their thoughts, for instance. This might help, but then again, it might not have much of an effect on how they behave.

The reason that one still needs other people’s approval could come down to the fact that they don’t feel safe enough to be themselves. Their body is not going to feel safe and unless this changes, their life is likely to stay the same.

The Most Important Part

It is then not going to matter what is taking place in their head or if they value themselves. Ultimately, their greatest need will be to survive and, if being themselves is seen as something that will put their life at risk, there is going to be no reason for them to change their behaviour.

This can show that one has experienced trauma in their adult years, or it could go back to what took place when they were younger. If it relates to what happened when they were growing up, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected.

Awareness

What this would have done is set them up to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to exist, and there would have been the effect this had on their body. One is then going to need to let go of the trauma that is being held in their body.
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This is something that can take place with the assistance of therapist or a healer. The main thing is that one reaches out for the right support and doesn’t give up until they have found it. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk